21 lbs lost & other thangs

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Friday, March 16 2012

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You need to be watching

J

oan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? Tuesdays @ 9/8C on WE TV.

Why?

Because Joan Rivers is a fraking Nutbag but she cracks me the hell up.

I wasn't able to watch it until today when the OnDemand on my DVR decided to start working again. It stopped working, so I called the cable company, when the guy showed up it was working, then after he left it stopped working again. I have a few things I've taped that I want to keep forever so I never called them back again to fix it, I just kept checking every day to see if it was working yet.

Anyway, I was able to watch the first 3 episodes. Here are a few of the things I've seen:

1. Joan brought her dog with "urinary issues" to California from New York even after Melissa said no.


2. When Joan met the Nanny, she looked @ Melissa & mouthed "Are you fucking serious?" Because, according to Joan, you either have an ugly nanny or a gay nanny. Not a gorgeous Swedish chick who walks around looking like a whore.


3. Joan collects the ashes of her dead loved ones (at least 3) and wants to be cremated & mixed with them after she dies.


4. She went all over Hollywood (Rodeo Drive & Judy Garland's house) to spread some of "Uncle Tommy" around to the places that he loved when he was alive


5. Joan BARGED IN while Melissa was taking a shower to get some nude pics because the dude who created "Girls Gone Wild" wanted to have Melissa in a new video called "Hollywood Moms gone wild" & Joan wanted her to do it. (She threatened to leak the pictures, I don't know if she ever has. Or will)


6. She surprised Melissa with a new living room by giving away all of Mel's furniture to a charity & brought in new stuff that looked more "New York"


7. Apparently, no woman in that family has been able to cook for 200 years. Seriously. They eat take out @ every meal.


8. Joan is much more spry & flexible than I would have thought. When she was looking for her husband's ashes under the bed, she walked on her knees to look all around on the floor! My knees hurt if I have to get on them AT ALL

I can't remember all the shit that Joan does. But she's crazy!


Entyway, I've been feeling like shit for a few weeks. This week more than usual. I can't explain it to you.

*sigh*

Today, since I had to go out to get some food & and an oil change, I happened to run into "Usher". I think I told you about him last century? Mebbe? I don't know. But he moved & I haven't seen him since. Today as I was waiting to tell the person what I wanted done to my car, I saw another dude who used to sell weed and now just looks like he's on crack so I said "Hi."

"Usher" said "He's the only one you see?"
Me - Oh, Hey! I didn't recognize you with all that hair! (He's got the skinny dreads that I want on my hair)

I always thought he was cute. He used to flirt when he lived here. Told my cousin to tell me that if I ever needed to get laid, to come on over to his house, but of course I never did because I was probably in my 20s and he is younger than me.

Anyway, I asked where he had his dreads done and he said his cousin did them and he'll send her to do mine.

But I already bought the locking gel today so I plan on starting them this weekend.

Whew!

My Vicodin (for my back) & Xanax (for my nerves) is finally kicking in.

I hope I feel better tomorrow.

I haven't even been on the computer since last month. Can you buleedat?

TTYL!

Being Human

S

o there's a vampire, a ghost and a werewolf...

Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, right?

:-)

Anyway, one of SyFy's new shows is Being Human. A vampire & a werewolf move into a house inhabited by the ghost of a chick who died 6 months previously. The vamp & his buddy move in to try to act like normal human beings and keep each other from "falling off the wagon" and killing people.

After they move in, they are surprised to find the ghost of an oddly "perky" ghost who is surprised that they can see her (since no one else can).

This is only the second show, but it's aight so far.

I mean, I'm not a Twilight fan. I watched the first movie because it was at the library & I rented it for free, but I haven't read any of the books and have no desire to see any of the other movies.

Being Human capitalizes on the current vampire/werewolf craze in a way that Moonlight was unable to do. Also, this is on SyFy, which means that it will be given more than a few episodes to gain a fan base.

If you're too old for Twilight & too young for Bela Lugosi movies, you might enjoy this series. It's on SyFy on Mondays @ 9/8c.

In other news, I got a catalog in the mail today. I never get catalogs. Only the usual store circulars & Domino's coupons. But this is a catalog for Nerds!

O.M.Actual.G!!!!!!!!!

In addition to Unicorn Meat in a can, the ThinkGeek 8-bit tie and Space Gun LED Key Ring, there's baconnaise (bacon flavored Mayo), bacon scented candles, a talking bacon plushie & all kinds of other bacon shit! (Did you know there was bacon flavored hot sauce? I didn't) Wheeeeeeeee. I'm ordering the Baconnaise & possibly the bacon flavored pop-corn. (There's bacon salt too.) OMG. I feel the clogged arteries already, LOL.

We don't get actual bacon much because it's too expensive to keep in the house with The Boy who can go through a 24 pack of hot dogs in a week.

Hmmmm, I can get a Sonic Screwdriver like the 10th or 11th Doctor. :-) Since I haven't seen the 11th Doctor, I'll stick with the 10th. I think it can be an actual screwdriver or you can get one that's an ink pen.

I think I got on their mailing list when I ordered my Bazinga Shirt for X-mas. Whatevs. I like it. :-)

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Now playing: Michael Mcdonald - Keep Forgetting

Morlang

I

n between my narcoleptic like spans of sleep this week, I managed to watch a new movie (to me) OnDemand.

I'd never heard of it before, and I really don't think I intended to watch the whole thing after the first couple of minutes.

Here's the blurb from imdb.com

Inspired by true events, a chilling psychological drama. A couple's secret pact takes an unexpected, sinister turn.

The movie is basically exposed with the use of flashbacks, which can be very confusing without the little "Two years later" indications that appear on shows like The Good Guys.

Eventually, though, I got interested in the movie, even figuring out what was flashback & what was current time. There were no captions, though. The film is in English, but there are Irish accents & Dutch accents that, IMO, could use a little clarification.

Anyway, the movie is about a famous(ish) painter who moves to Ireland after his wife dies of cancer.

It turns out that the painter (Morlang) & his wife were supposed to die together, because he didn't want to live without her.

2 years after Morlang has become comfortable in his new life with his new muse (his wife had been his muse in his previous works) he starts getting messages from his dead wife.

First, a postcard with the last picture he had taken of them that said "Don't feel guilty. It's nobody's fault." Then an answering machine with the wife saying the same thing. Then he gets into his car and there's an audio tape playing with the same message.

He doesn't want to explain WTF it means to his new muse/sex partner, but he's slowly getting...aggravated.

I really don't want to tell you any more about it, because it will ruin it.

This movie is like the only really good M. Night Shyamalan film (Sixth Sense) where I had no idea what the twist was until the director wanted me to know. It's the same with Morlang.

I had no idea what the twist was, but when I found it out I sat up in my bed @ 4 am wondering how it was all going to end.

I have to say I'm not particularly satisfied with the ending, but I'm not mad about it either.

Whatever.

If you happen to have it OnDemand, you should definitely check it out. I give it &hearts&hearts&hearts out of 4.

That is all. :-)

TV Shows - 9/21/10

I

admit that I've only seen the first episode of Hawaii 5-0 (Mondays, 10/9c on CBS), but I LOVED THE EFFING POOP OUT OF IT!

I don't remember the old Hawaii 5-0, so I can't compare it. But this show is funny, there's a lot of action. It's exactly my type of show.

I have also watched each show that CBS has give Alex O'Laughlin. Is it just me, or does he have different teeth this time? Whatever, he's nice to look at. ☺

I also watch Mel B: It's a Scary World (Sundays, 9/8c on Style).

I ♥ ♥ ♥ Mel & her family. Her husband Stephen Belafonte (Mel pronounces it Steph-AN) is a "typical dude". He's silly, funny & a bit lazy.

The couple goes to a marriage counselor every week. Not because they're having problems, but to prevent problems (good idea, IMO). They have 2 kids. Mel's daughter Phoenix (11, from a previous relationship) and Angel (3, Eddie Murphy's daughter). Stephen also has a daughter from a previous relationship.

I can't think of a couple to compare them to, all I can tell you is that I liked them instantly. The only thing I don't like is the daughters' hairstyles. Mel explained that Angel got gum in her hair, all the way to the roots, so she had to shave it and it looked weird with only one side shaved. What's the excuse for Phoenix?

Anyhoo, here's a clip.



I also watched Chase (NBC) I think it will have to grow on me, Lone Star (Fox after House), idunoh about this one. Con man bigamist with a heart? *sigh*. I wasn't that excited by either of those shows, but for now they don't conflict with anything else...

In other news, I get my stitches out tomorrow. I hope my foot feels better. I'm tired of forgetting and crossing my legs at the ankles & hitting the stitches!

Growing up Twisted

T

his week, after seeing Dee Snider (of Twisted Sister fame) on The Wendy Williams show, I decided to check out his new reality show on A&E (Tuesdays at 10/9c).

The quick and dirty review is that they are the Osbournes without the addiction problems or yelling.

:-)

There is a lot of crying.

Mama starts to cry when she thinks one of her kids has gotten a tattoo because it's "so white trash"

The 13 year old girl throws a fit when they take apart her rusty trampoline for their granddaughter's christening.

Mama cries after she realizes that removing the tat of Dee's name from her shoulder really hurt him, so she gets another tat.

The oldest son cries when he sings to his baby at the christening. (It was emotional. I even teared up a bit.)

Um, I'm sure there was more crying.

The kids are totally disgusted by the fact that after 34 years, their parents still have sex and their mother dyes her pubic hair.

Son A - Mom, who does this? No one even has pubic hair anymore!
Dee - That's something new. The old schoolers all have pubic hair.

They're a funny family. And, as Dee said on Wendy, none of his 4 kids have been arrested for DUI or gone to rehab.

If you liked The Osbournes or Gene Simmon's Family Jewels, you will like this too.

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Now playing: Twisted Sister - We're Not Gonna Take It
via FoxyTunes

Are you watching The Good Guys?

B

ecause you should be. :-)

It's about a middle aged detective (Bradley Whitford) and his young partner (Colin Hanks) solving crimes.

That's not the unusual part.

I've seen 2 episodes and both of them started with the guys being sent to solve or take reports on some minor crime. The older detective (the dude with the porn star moustache who is more than a little sexist) always takes things way too far. This week, for example, he wanted DNA evidence on the perp who broke a vending machine.

The thing is, they end up involved in a much bigger crime than the stupid little incident report they were sent to get in the first place.

In between getting a case & solving the bigger crime, there is a lot of comedy. I have laughed out loud and rewound scenes several times.

I love the way they have flashbacks. It reminds me a little of Quentin Tarantino's style. The shot opens on 2 guys in a bathtub with some chick's legs between them, Whitford sneezes, Hanks says "No, no, no, don't" and then the screen reads "36 hours earlier" and we see how they ended up in the bathtub.

Or, we see a guy falling off a roof and then we see the message "2 minutes earlier" and we find out how the dude came to be falling off a roof.

It's funny.

Me likey.

Watch it online or on Fox Mondays 9/8 C!

Start saying goodbye to House, MD

F

irst, read this article I wrote in February of last year.

Did you read it?

Ok, so now House is off of Vicodin. I watched for a while to see when he was going to get back on it.

Several times this year I have forgotten that House even recorded & it wasn't until other people were talking about it that I realized I hadn't watched the latest new episode.

Do they not realize that people really don't like change?
Now House and Cuddy are going to be together?

It's over, man. I can hear the "24" beeping clock right now.

Fucking writers.

*sigh*

Maybe they're sick of it? LOL. I mean, I'm sure it's nice to have a steady job, so WHY THE HELL would they hook House up with anyone? Do they not realize that people really don't like change?

Shows fail because the writers or producers decide to start changing the things that made the show successful in the first place, or the flipping networks keep moving shows around and people have to decide what they want to watch more.

I hope this Huddy thing only lasts a few episodes next season, like the relationship with Stacy in the 2nd season. Seriously.

I already lost Ugly Betty, 24 and Lost. I don 't want to lose another favorite show.

Bastards!

On the plus side, Grey's Anatomy season finale was AWESOME! I was on the edge of my seat like I was watching a suspense movie! Loved it. If you haven't watched it yet, watch it online! I'm glad they got ride of some of those merger suckers and I'm glad they kept my McDreamy, "My Green Eyes". :-)

Some new shows I've been watching

I

haven't slept since yesterday. I think I got up @ 11 am? So 26 hours and counting...

I keep going to bed. I yawn. I never fall asleep.

*sigh*

So anyway, I may have told you about these before. I don't care enough to go check. Deal with it! :-)

The Family Crews on BET Sundays 9/8 pm

Remember the dad on "Everybody Hates Chris"? Or Damon on "Friday after Next"? That's Terry Crews. The Family Crews is his reality show.

I love this family! I always enjoyed seeing Terry Crews' acting, but seeing him as a person brings a whole new appreciation to his work for me. He's been married for 20 years. They have 5 kids (4 girls, 1 boy).

It's WONDERFUL to see positive black families represented on TV. If you're not black, you probably don't think about this. But imagine if every show on TV was like a live action "Family Guy". Not the best representation of any group of people, let alone all white people.

We (black people) see a lot of gang bangers, pimps, drug dealers, criminals & buffoons. But other than the "token" black guy, we don't get a lot of positive representations of "us". Definitely NOT in reality TV.

Let me try to think of another positive black reality show...

Um...

---

Nothing's coming to mind.

Whatever.


Justified Tuesdays at 10/9 pm on FX

I've only seen the first episode, but I liked it A LOT.

It's about a Deputy Marshall (played by Timothy Olyphant) who is sent back to his home state of Kentucky after a justified shooting of a suspect.

It's kind of like a western.

He's a quick draw dude. Good looking dude. I can't explain it.

It's action & sex & stuff. Just check it out, LOL.



Human Target Wednesdays @ 8/7 pm on Fox

A man named Christopher Chance (maybe?) is some kind of spy that other people call when they can't do the job themselves.

I must admit that the lead in this show (Mark Valley) is my "totally hot in a stereotypical Californiaesque" type of man (even though I claim not to find blonde men attractive). His looks have nothing to do with why I continue to watch the show.

I watch the show because a) it's action b) OMFG Mark Valley is hot and perfect masturbation fantasy material 3) the show looks like a movie! I mean the way it's shot & whatnot.

I wish they did that more often. I wonder if it's expensive?

Who cares? I love it.

Every week is a new situation, new people, new ways for Chi McBride's character to get fed up with Chance's risk taking, LOL.

You have to watch this show if you like action! :-) You can watch full episodes at Fox.com.



Kirstie Alley's Big Life Sundays @ 10/9 pm on A&E

We all know about Kirstie Alley's battle with weight.

I don't care about that.

I just wanted to see this woman who is so obsessed with Jamie Foxx that she can't stop Twittering about him.

She's funny! I'd be her friend. I'll watch the rest of the season just for her snarky sense of humor.

OMG at least watch the first episode so you can see her call the black fitness trainer and tell him she's "down with brown but black is whack" while her black stylist is sitting beside her trying not to crack up.

This woman is bat shit crazy and I LOVE IT!



Jerseylicious

No, I do not understand my current obsession with all things Jersey.

It started with Real Housewives of NJ. Then Jersey native Wendy Williams gets her own talk show. Then I had to watch "The Jersey Shore" because I wanted to see this little oompa loompa with a bouffant get punched in the face and I had to keep watching after I saw that episode.

Dudes (Ladies too).

If you thought Snooky was tanorexic, you will not believe Olivia. She's darker than me. She's like Indian from India dark. She said something like "Yeah, my skin might look like leather in the future, but I look good today!"

I think she has a bit of ADD too.

Whatever.

If you're a Jerseyholic the way I (apparently) am. Check this show out, LOL.



How long is this post anyway?

There's more, but Blogger just told me that my labels can't be more than 200 characters, so I'll save some for another time when I'm too hyped to sleep.

Smooches!

TV Shows & Junk

S

o, I got my computer back last week. I don't remember the exact day. Ironically I was at the library using the computer the first time Fed-Ex tried to drop it off. So I kept my ass at home the next day, LOL. It took about 10 days total for them to get my pc, fix it & send it back to me.

So anyway, here's the report I got back:


I don't know WTF any of that means, all I know is that my computer doesn't flash the BSOD (blue screen of death) every 5 minutes. :-)

Anyway, I've been watching some new shows.

I had planned on posting about all of that, but my back has been killing me today. I'm wearing a Thermacare heat wrap AND I took some PMS medication (that works better for me than Tylenol or any other OTC pain med), so I don't think it's a good idea to sit here for hours posting.

I'll just name the show & let you know if I think you should watch it.

Let's Talk about Pep (VH1)- They say it's Sex & the City for black people? I never watched SATC, so I don't know. But I think it's funny.
Men of a Certain Age (TNT)- Watch it. I love it.
Human Target (FOX)- Awesome. Watch it.
Frank the Entertainer (VH1)- I think I watched 2 episodes & realized I don't give a shit what that guy does. I mean, I only watched it because a) He sucked New York's toes & I wanted to know if he's always that freaky and 2) I really wanted to see how a dating show in some guy's parent's basement was going to work out. I just can't stand the voices of one of those bitches. And they ALL have huge noses. Those girls aren't cute. Frank isn't bad looking. But then...he fell in "love" with New York, so he clearly has no taste.
Better off Ted (ABC)- Old show, but I still love it.
NCIS Los Angeles (CBS)- Love it. Watch it.
The Middle (ABC)- Hilarious! Definitely check it out. Modern Family & Cougar Town aren't bad either. But I only watch them because they don't compete with anything else on my DVR schedule.

That's all I can remember for now. I'm out!

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Now playing: Black Eyed Peas - Imma Bee
via FoxyTunes