Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? Tuesdays @ 9/8C on WE TV.
Because Joan Rivers is a fraking Nutbag but she cracks me the hell up.
I wasn't able to watch it until today when the OnDemand on my DVR decided to start working again. It stopped working, so I called the cable company, when the guy showed up it was working, then after he left it stopped working again. I have a few things I've taped that I want to keep forever so I never called them back again to fix it, I just kept checking every day to see if it was working yet.
Anyway, I was able to watch the first 3 episodes. Here are a few of the things I've seen:
- Joan brought her dog with "urinary issues" to California from New York even after Melissa said no.
- When Joan met the Nanny, she looked @ Melissa & mouthed "Are you fucking serious?" Because, according to Joan, you either have an ugly nanny or a gay nanny. Not a gorgeous Swedish chick who walks around looking like a whore.
- Joan collects the ashes of her dead loved ones (at least 3) and wants to be cremated & mixed with them after she dies.
- She went all over Hollywood (Rodeo Drive & Judy Garland's house) to spread some of "Uncle Tommy" around to the places that he loved when he was alive
- Joan BARGED IN while Melissa was taking a shower to get some nude pics because the dude who created "Girls Gone Wild" wanted to have Melissa in a new video called "Hollywood Moms gone wild" & Joan wanted her to do it. (She threatened to leak the pictures, I don't know if she ever has. Or will)
- She surprised Melissa with a new living room by giving away all of Mel's furniture to a charity & brought in new stuff that looked more "New York"
- Apparently, no woman in that family has been able to cook for 200 years. Seriously. They eat take out @ every meal.
- Joan is much more spry & flexible than I would have thought. When she was looking for her husband's ashes under the bed, she walked on her knees to look all around on the floor! My knees hurt if I have to get on them AT ALL
I can't remember all the shit that Joan does. But she's crazy!
Entyway, I've been feeling like shit for a few weeks. This week more than usual. I can't explain it to you.
Today, since I had to go out to get some food & and an oil change, I happened to run into "Usher". I think I told you about him last century? Mebbe? I don't know. But he moved & I haven't seen him since. Today as I was waiting to tell the person what I wanted done to my car, I saw another dude who used to sell weed and now just looks like he's on crack so I said "Hi."
"Usher" said "He's the only one you see?"
Me - Oh, Hey! I didn't recognize you with all that hair! (He's got the skinny dreads that I want on my hair)
I always thought he was cute. He used to flirt when he lived here. Told my cousin to tell me that if I ever needed to get laid, to come on over to his house, but of course I never did because I was probably in my 20s and he is younger than me.
Anyway, I asked where he had his dreads done and he said his cousin did them and he'll send her to do mine.
But I already bought the locking gel today so I plan on starting them this weekend.
My Vicodin (for my back) & Xanax (for my nerves) is finally kicking in.
I hope I feel better tomorrow.
I haven't even been on the computer since last month. Can you buleedat?