???

L

ast week I had several crazy dreams. I meant to blog about them, but since I didn't do it immediately, I forgot every dream but the one where Oprah got on TV and said that she didn't believe in God because she was God and didn't care what anyone had to say about it.

This morning I had a dream that I was in LA (As IF) and Tim Gunn was having a verbal argument with his son (who was Tatum O'neal's brother).

Then he finally got fed up and went to his car. Then he started screaming that someone had vandalized it.

I went up to him and said "Tim, there are paparazzi all over the place. Let me drive you somewhere else so this doesn't end up on TMZ."

Then I woke up.

Why can't I remember the sex dreams?WTF????????

I normally don't remember most of my dreams. So the fact that I've had at least 3 dreams in the past 5 days that I can remember is unusual.

It really makes me wonder what the dreams I can't remember are about, LOL.

Why can't I remember the sex dreams?

So unfair...

I do remember seeing Tim Gunn on a TV show (probably Craig Ferguson) where he admitted that he hadn't had a relationship for 25 years because dude broke his heart so bad. :-(

That sucks. I want Tim to be happy. I mean, I don't know him, but who doesn't love Tim Gunn???

Whatever, here's an SNL Digital Short that I rewound & watched several times this weekend.

Pray that Tiki's surgery goes well. We dropped her off this morning to get fixed.

That is all.

Ta!

Purgatory? Dream

I

was having a very odd dream when the alarm went off this morning. That's why I'm blogging @ this ungodly hour. I want to get down as much of it as I remember.

So it seemed like I was narrating what happens to you when you die. We all looked like Dr. Seuss characters and the whole dream was to the song Centipede by Rebbie Jackson.

That bitch just smiles at me and keeps sucking for another egg.
The first thing I remember is all of us dead people going into a "pep rally" type thing. I don't remember what we talked about. I just remember at the end where I'm hugging this chick who is very worried about her daughter (they died in a car crash). She kept saying "I can't understand why she's not here already!" and I'm thinking 'Because she's in Hell. If she was coming here, she'd be here. YOU'RE here.' but I didn't say it out loud. She also said "When you were speaking, I felt like you were speaking to me. It was so moving." I'm thinking 'WTF ever. When can I go back to my room?' The whole time, I was trying not to cry.

So I get back to my "room" and narrator me says "And when you die, your period doesn't stop, it just gets disrupted."

First they put this bug in your cooch. I said "It's not as gross as you think. It's all very clean & efficient" I can see the bug on the tv (dr seuss bug) happily eating the lining of my uterus.

Then Menstruvia stops by to eat the egg. But she wants more eggs. So after she eats the first egg, she spends all of her time (while the bug is eating the lining) trying to suck down another egg. It hurts. Like cramps. I'm giving her the evil eye on the tv screen. That bitch just smiles at me and keeps sucking for another egg.

Then the alarm went off.

??????????????

What does it mean? LOL.

I keep having strange dreams

T

hat piss me off inside the dream.

How is that even possible?

Usually my dreams are so insane that I know they're dreams. If it's just weird and not bad, I'll just ride it out. If it's bad, I make myself wake up.

Anyway, first I dreamt that instead of just putting the aluminum siding on the roof of the bldg, they were putting it all over the bldg. But they weren't just covering the brick (who the hell would choose aluminum siding over brick anyway?), they were taking the brick off and then putting up the siding.

Some woman came over and started talking about how the construction of the building was bad.

Me - I wasn't even alive when they built this building.
Bitch - But still, you could have said something.
Me - How the eff could I say something about it if I never knew about it??

She ticked me off.

Then there was another apartment bldg (that does not exist) and people were moving into it even though there was no water.

Me - Why are they moving in there with no water?
Bitch - Everyone is afraid that if they don't move in now, that they'll lose the apartment when it is finally finished.

This ticked me off because it's just so stupid.

I assume this is because they still haven't finished my kitchen makeover, they still haven't put in the coving (or whatever) on my new door and now they're putting new roofs on the bldg??? Hello. I want my new stove.

Easy enough.

Today I dreamed that Evan kept bugging me for pizza.

He's currently on punishment for his report card. Punishment includes no eating out with me or with his Nana.

I kept telling him, in the dream, that he was NOT getting any pizza and he knows this so why the hell does he keep asking?

Evan - You're mean. This is child abuse.
Me - I'm not mean, you're just a sissy. Second, it's my job to make sure you're fed, not that you get to eat whatever you want. This is your fault. If you'd just do what you're supposed to do, this wouldn't happen.

This report card situation happens every year. It usually happens in the 2nd semester. This is the first time he's gotten a bad first report card.

I don't know why he does this every year, but it's driving me crazy.

I assume that's why I'm having the dream. I don't know what else to do. I thought that no allowance, no gamecube, no cable in his room, bedtime at 8 (like when he was 6) would be sucky enough to make him stop this shit, but apparently it isn't.

*sigh*

Any suggestions?

I just had the strangest dream!

S

o I have to take Evan to the doctor for a check up on his fractured hand at 2.

As I said (maybe) before, this new Ultram ER (or whatever) that the doctor gave me for my arthritis seems to make me sleepy all day.

I fell asleep while watching the CSI marathon on Spike TV. The dream was so real that for a minute I thought it was true. Until the strange things started happening...

I was asleep and I didn't wake up until I heard the bus at 3:30 pm. So I jump up and run to the bathroom thinking "OMG! We're 90 minutes late and it's Friday. They might not even be there!"

While I'm in the bathroom, Evan comes in with his 2 cousins (11 yo & 5 yo), a girl I haven't seen since she was 7 (the girl that used to be beautiful and grew up to be unfortunate looking) and 2 other young kids that I don't even know.

They all crowd in to the bathroom while I'm sitting on the toilet with my panties around my ankles.

So I started screaming "EVAN! GET THEM OUT OF HERE! I'm on the toilet and we're late for the doctor!" (for some reason, we had no door on the bathroom).

Evan wasn't listening, neither were the other kids.

So I started pushing them out of the bathroom and screaming for my cousin who watches his nephews (11 & 5) while his sister is at work. He comes up and grabs 11 & 5 while I'm still pushing all of the other kids out of the bathroom (not very gently, either.) Finally I grabbed the girl who used to be beautiful and pulled her across my lap. I said "You know I love you, right? But I have to take Evan to the doctor so you'll have to come back some other time." She nodded. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and pushed her out more gently I had the other kids.

Then I woke up and looked at the clock. 11:58am, Thank Jaysus.

Freaky.

I've noticed that whenever I have retarded dreams about the bathroom, I wake up feeling like my bladder is about to burst.

I guess the crazy dreams are my body's way of saying "I have to urinate urgently, wake up you slothful whore!"

:-)

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Listening to: Day 26 - Got Me Going
via FoxyTunes

Another crazy dream - 4/28/08

Image via Wikipedia

I

t started with me pulling into a parking space at some university. It was a handicapped space, but it was on a steep incline & it was very far from the entrance.

I went there to see some speech or whatever.

After the speech, as I was walking back to my car, I saw My Favorite Uncle, His Wife & their daughter. We decided to go to the mall to get something to eat before we drove home (it was a drive of several hours.)

While we were waiting to get into the mall, I saw a couple that I'd met when I first came to that university. We recognized each other. I also saw a lady with a stroller full of puppies. They were cute. Not the kind of dog I would want, but all puppies are cute. So I was playing with the puppies.

Then there was this old, ugly dog that kept trying to get me to pet it and it was so ugly that it was grossing me out.

We finally got in. We decided to use the bathroom before we ate. We started standing in a line that was at least 20 deep. When I got to the front, I found that it was a hair salon...

So I found another line that was extremely long. The attendant told us that while we were waiting, we could clean the sinks.

I'm standing there cleaning this disgusting sink with what looked like years of crusted on soap scum & whatnot with a high powered jet of water. Suddenly, I started thinking "Why the hell am I cleaning this sink? This is not my job!"

So I decided to leave & I'd use the bathroom at a fast food restaurant on my way home.

On my way out of the mall, someone offered me a cookie. It was the BEST cookie I'd ever had. I wanted more, but I wanted to get to my car more than I wanted another cookie.

On my way out, some man at a stand said:
Man - You look like you're having a bad day.
Me - I'd be fine if I could find a bathroom that didn't have a line a mile long.
Man - Here, have some cookies.

He gave me a tray of the delicious cookies. Like a cookie sheet tray. It was free. Then he offered me a tray of cake (petit fours) half were chocolate & half were vanilla.

So I walked away very happy.

Got back to my car.

Woke up.

Now, what sense does that make?

Really weird dream

I

t was actually almost 24 hours since I had the dream, but I think I remember enough of it to tell you.

I dreamed that we (Evan & I) went to MD's house for something. For some unusual reason, her garage was open. There was all kinds of stuff in there. Like she couldn't park her car because of all the junk in there.

I had to use the bathroom (she has one in the laundry room, which is where the door coming from the garage opens in to.)

Have I mentioned that in my dreams I'm always walking? Like pre-"Special Leg" walking.

Anyway, I go into the bathroom, pull down my pants & undies, sit down...

That's when I realize that there is no side or back wall.

MD has decided that she needed to expand her house.

In the back yard I see ALL of my relatives. I mean people that I haven't seen since I was a child.

Since EVERYONE could see me sitting on the toilet (if they just looked in my direction) I got a magazine rack (one that MD hasn't had for years) to block the "front view" and something else to block the side view.

Then my SIL comes over & starts looking through the magazines.

Me - HELLO!?!??
Sil - Oh, hey.
Me - Could you not remove any magazines from the rack while I'm trying to use the bathroom?
Sil - Oh, girl. Ain't nobody looking at you. You remember SomeDude?

Yes.

She was introducing, or re-introducing me to my cousin.

People kept stopping by to say hello. No one seemed phased by the fact that I was sitting on a toilet with my pants around my knees.

I've never had a shy bladder IRL. But when I thought about urinating with an actual audience & then having to wipe...I just couldn't do it.

I had to go really bad. Like it felt like my bladder was going to burst bad.

Then I woke up.

And I had to tinkle really bad.

I'm glad I didn't dream that I had actually used the bathroom or I might have wet my bed, LOL.

How crazy is that?



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Now playing: Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams
via FoxyTunes

Night of crazy dreams

I had multiple dreams last night.

The were all crazy.

When I woke up, I tried to go over them so that I'd remember them long enough to blog about them.

But then I took my antidepressant, which always makes me sleepy (maybe I should start taking it at night?)

And then when I woke up again, Evan was on the computer watching all of the youtube videos with chipmunk versions of his favorite songs (Kiss Kiss by Chris Brown in Chipmunk style is crazy!)

So I watched some of the crap I'd recorded and now I don't remember the dreams very well.

I know in the first one, we were having some kind of family cookout at my grandmother's house.

*sigh*

I can't remember them at all. I just know that there were 3 or 4 of them. All running together. I think ALL of my family members (cousins, uncles, aunts, etc) were in them.

I wish I could remember.

Whatever.

I have to go to Wal-mart. I'm craving chocolate cupcakes and a taco flavored hot pocket.

Adieu.

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Now playing: Prince And The Revolution - I Would Die 4 U
via FoxyTunes

Yesterday - 2/16/08

Was an interesting day.

First, it started with another crazy ass dream.

We were at Mommy Dearest's house. (We being me, MD, my niece & MD's Other Daughter.) MOD got pissed at MD for something. So she picked up the monitor of the computer & threw it on the floor. Then she threw the PC tower on the floor.

Me - You owe me $500, bitch! That was MY computer, not your mother's!!

So next thing I know, she's trying to put the damned PC back together. Whatever was on the monitor looked like some insane Matrix shit.

Then MD & I are in the car.

Me - I don't care if she does manage to fix it, I want a new computer. And I'm suing the bitch if I don't get it!
MD - Angelika...
Me - NO! I don't care! You ALWAYS take her side even when you KNOW she's wrong. I'm sick of this shit.

I don't remember what else, but I woke up when someone knocked on my door.

Remember when I told you I was getting a new kitchen? And then it took them 4 days to replace my water heater & give me hot water?

That was a couple of months ago.

So yesterday, they replaced my door. This new one is metal. The old one was wood. It needed replacing.

Get this.

Allegedly, they are going to replace 1 (one) cabinet in my kitchen this week.

Only one.

Then next month, allegedly, they're going to replace the sink & the other cabinets.

I will believe it when I see it.

The thing is, the new cabinets are white.

All my other cabinets have that fake wood paneling or whatever...

So...yeah.

One white cabinet. Probably for weeks.

Anyway, I was in a bad effing mood the rest of the day. Had to go to Wal-mart to get new keys made.

OH! I forgot the best part.

You know the coving? or molding or whatever that goes on the outside of the door on the wall?

There is none of that. Just wall, blank space, door. The new screen door looks too short for the space. There's like 1/4 an inch above and below. So in the summer, lots of hot air will get in. In the winter, lots of cold air will get in.

Whooooooo hoooooooo.

I'm so excited.

Every.single.landlord I've had (I think this is the 4th one) hires friends to do the labor here because it's cheaper than a professional. You get what you pay for.

Fuckers.

I stay here because the neighborhood is good & it's cheap. Other people live in apartments that are the size of my living room and pay $600/month.

Fuck THAT.

My only other option would be to move to the geedee projects and have cement walls.

Fuck that too.

So I stay in my dump....

At least it's "mine", LOL. I've been here 15 years. That's a lot of accumulated shit, you know? I so don't want to pack & unpack all of my crap...

That is all.

Maybe this is why I don't sleep

To avoid dreams like this:

So I'm at Gwen Stefani's house for something. Her husband was not the real husband, it was Gavin Rossdale in the dream. They had 2 kids. Like 2 & 4. Whatever.

I thought it was strange that everyone talked about what a good mother she is when she had nothing to do with her children while I was there. Someone else was feeding them & putting them to bed & whatnot.

Anyway, I drifted off into the living room with a group of about 7 older (like 50ish) hippy looking people. There were no chairs, just pillows.

So this one dude comes in, he's the college professor (he talked to me for a while, that's how I know), starts dumping kerosene or something on some of the pillows for better light because everyone was reading really intellectual books. (In the dream they seemed really intellectual. One of the titles that I remember now is "How to read anything." ??? How can you READ about READING if you don't already know how to read???)

He was setting fires on the pillows.

Then he picked up one of the burning pillows and hit his wife over the head with it, like a "pillow fight" type of hit, not like he was really trying to hurt her. She smacked him on the leg or something. They were both laughing.

But after she smacked him, he smacked the fuck out of her face with the burning pillow. It left a red mark on her cheek. Her long blonde hair caught on fire.

She said "Honey, don't. If you set too many fires, you might think everyone is dead because they'll be cold in comparison"

He said "Do you smell something burning? Oh. It's your hair." I mean, her whole head was ablaze by this point & blistering and he wasn't actually freaking out. Didn't even seem upset. He was too high.

I'm just sitting in there like "These people are fucking crazy and I'm leaving before one of these high motherfuckers sets me on fire."

So dude tries to put the fire out on his wife's head by smothering her with the burning pillow.

She suffocated. Obviously.

I left.

I woke up.

Is that not the MOST RETARDED SHIT EVER? These are the crazy kind of dreams I usually have, I just don't normally remember them.