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Picture of the Day 12/8/12

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God's Dad, African Men & Pineapple

Questions for YOU to answer:

1. Why do men think that showing us your junk turns us on? As @JoKoy has said, the penis looks like an afterthought in comparison to the vagina. It's looks like a drunk dude who can't stand up straight...
2. What's the funniest thing you've heard a kid say?

3. Are ALL African (from AFRICA) men assholes?
4. What do you think about online dating? Ever done it? Would you? Why or why not?

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Dear God, we need to talk

I

know I asked you not to have it snow anymore this school year because I've had enough "together" time with my fucking pain in the ass know it all eats like each meal is his last meal wonderful teen. I have the proof right here ▼



So, since I heard that it might snow again FRIDAY MORNING and again on Monday, I am left to assume that you are not on Twitter.

So I will say it again.

Dear God,
Please do not let it snow anymore this school year. This is the first time in several years that The Boy has actually enjoyed school and he doesn't like to miss it. And I don't think there's enough xanax in the world to make me not want to choke the living shit out of him take some Excedrin Migraine every 4 hours. Which will keep me up for only You know how long, not to mention you know I have that caffeine allergy to deal with which could bring on another panic attack & make me more irritable than I normally am.

So PLEASE, don't let it snow. At all. You know these people around here close school if there's even a threat of snow.

I can't take any more, God.

Please talk to Mother Nature and have this settled before Friday.

I'm ok with and inch that doesn't stick from Friday @ 3:30pm until Sunday @ 3:30 pm.

In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

But will it send you to Hell???

I

watched Private Practice last night.

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Now playing: Ke$ha - Blah Blah Blah (Feat. 3OH!3)
via FoxyTunes

On the show, a married couple had twin 8 year olds with leukemia (or something) so they had a baby for the cord blood to try and cure them (or put them in remission, I don't know about that disease). They only had enough cord blood to save one of them. The mother couldn't make a choice between them, so she wanted to let them both die. The dad was able to choose between the daughters. The mother said to him "You're going to Hell!"

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Now playing: Jamie Foxx/Lil Wayne - Blame It Ft T-Pain
via FoxyTunes

So it got me thinking, does God send you to Hell for making a choice that He made you make?

I mean, He's the one who gave the girls leukemia. He's the one who let the parents have a baby for the sole purpose of saving the twins. So just because a parent can choose which child to save, is that reason enough to send him to Hell?

I mean, I have my issues with God as you know (if you're a regular reader of this blog), so I wouldn't put it past Him to be a stickler on this one point. He's the one who said that all sins are equal & that thinking about doing something is as bad as doing it. (Don't ask me for references. Do the research yourself. But trust me, it's in there. I don't remember if it's old or new testament, though.)

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Now playing: Black Eyed Peas - The Boogie that Be
via FoxyTunes

In other words, just thinking about what it would feel like to strangle my son and shake him back and forth until he comes to his senses or passes out is just as bad as when some perv molests a child. All sins are equal, remember?

If it weren't for Jesus dying on the cross for our sins, no one would get to Heaven.

Sorry, tangent.

ENTYWAY...do you think that being able to choose between your children makes you a bad person?

I don't.

I don't give a shit what people with multiple children say, how can you not like one child more than another?

I'm not talking about loving them. I understand that you can love them all equally. But what if one of your children is awesome & one is a brat? How can you not "like" the awesome child more?

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Now playing: Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow
via FoxyTunes

All of us with siblings always feel like our parents liked/preferred one child more than the other.Which is one of the reasons I never had another child. Evan was a perfect baby. He's still a good child, no matter how much he gets on my nerves during this trying phase in his life that makes me want to smack some black onto him. But another child could not possible measure up to the perfect child I had for the first 4-5 years, LOL. And it could be ugly too. I mean, I'd still love it. But I think it would know that I favored Evan.

All of us with siblings (that I know, anyway) always feel like our parents liked/preferred one child more than the other. I think I was my father's favorite. I think MD's favorite changes with her mood, but her mood has never swayed in my direction, LOL.

Not having multiple children, I don't really know how I would feel, I can only speculate.

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Now playing: Chuck Brown - Bustin Loose
via FoxyTunes

What do you think?

I'm not getting in a theological debate with you. I don't care if you believe in God & Heaven or Hell. It really isn't the point. Do you think you could choose between your children, and if so, does that make you a "bad" person?

As I was dropping the kids off at the pool

I

started thinking about Eternity.

Like after Jesus comes back & there's that whole war against Evil & then God decides who gets to have eternal life and who gets death (the wages of sin is death, not burning for all eternity in a fire, BTW.)

First, where are we all going to live? Because God said that "The meek shall inherit the earth."

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Now playing: Harry Connick Jr. - Recipe for Love

So after we are the bitches of all the people who really know how to enjoy life meek & get to live forever, we are crowded on Earth.

Maybe it really won't be that many people, LOL.

But just say that half of the people who ever lived from the beginning of time lived on the earth right now. We'd be living in little pods in ginormous buildings like the Coffin Hotel Tourists in Japan, right?

There's not enough space for that many people unless God gets rid of all the deserts and the antarctic and converts it to paradise, is there?

AND what is paradise to me isn't necessarily paradise to you. So some of us would enjoy the cold weather of the north pole. Some would be happy living in the "dry heat" Arizona. Others would want the humid heat of the effing south (???).
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Now playing: UB40 - Red Red Wine

I can't comprehend how they'd all fit.

Now, what would we eat? Unless God made it reaping season all year long, we'd run out of mangos. Everyone needs a good mango every now and then, don't you think?

Would we have to make our own bread or would he let the bread factories remain? Would we be eating Manna from Heaven all the time?

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Now playing: Apollonia 6 - Sex Shooter

I can eat the same thing night after night for a while. Like Tuna fish sammiches. But after a while, I need something else. I think I'd get tired of Manna..

So, does God appreciate modern conveniences? Or is he like my frigging mother who made me mow her 1 acre lawn with a push mower when I was a teen because "hard work builds character" but then got a riding mower the second I went off to college?

Can we still have our microwaves & DVR?

Will there be TV & internet? If there is, will it be "All God, all the time?"

I enjoy a Joyce Meyer sermon every once in a while, but if the only thing I could watch was The Christian Network, I'd rather not watch TV.

Would we only be able to listen to Christian Music/Gospel? Does God consider Kirk Franklin's music truly worthy? Would the radio only play Elvis' gospel music???

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Now playing: Van Halen - Right Now

I really have to be in the mood to hear "praise music". Especially if it's Elvis. (Sorry Omah, I know you love you some Elvis Gospel...)

One of the things I enjoy about living in this time right now is the diversity of the music. I can go from Ludacris to Duran Duran to James Brown to The Glen Miller Orchestra if I want to.

I've never heard a really good Christian Rap group. I haven't been looking, but you get my point, LOL.

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Now playing: Duran Duran - Rio

The thing that interests me the most is sex.

I'm assuming that God would only let you have sex with your spouse. He doesn't think that pre-marital sex is a good idea, so you'd have to hope that your spouse was good in bed (or could learn to be good).

God said that thinking about committing a sin is as bad as doing it, so would the people who saw David Beckham and fantasized about riding him like a horse immediately die, or would they just get a warning?

Because if they just died, I think a lot of people would die unexpectedly all the freaking time!

Is oral sex ok with God? I'm sure it's in the bible that men aren't supposed to "spill their seed" and therefore, masturbation is a sin. So men can't masturbate anymore (and neither can I?!?!?!). Which means that we'll always have to have sex with them, even though they suck (because we couldn't "test drive" them before signing on the eternal dotted line) when they want it because there's no other release for them?

What about positions? Is Missionary the only acceptable position? *shudder*

Sexual thoughts pop into my head all the time! See, I'd be dead right now...

Forget about sex.
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Now playing: Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney - Say, say, say

I lived with a guy for a year. Just a year. By the end of the year, I couldn't stand the way he breathed.

Can you imagine ETERNITY with the same person? Have you ever paid attention to old married couples? They don't talk to each other. There are only so many times you can pretend to be interested in his recycled stories and jokes. Imagine 3,000 years of that shit.

Will God allow us to change partners after a while? Like once a century or millennium we can get a new ride spouse?

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Now playing: The Clash - Rock the Kasbah

Will there be babies & children?

Will the people who died before age 18 grow up and then just stop? Or will they stay babies forever? Can we have new babies? Because if we can, we come back to the whole "How will everyone fit?" question.

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Now playing: Stray Cats - Rock this town

Are there pets in heaven? Are there lions? So are we always walking around dodging Rhino scat or what? Will that be someone's job? Picking up poop? For eternity?

Will we switch chores every thousand years?

Time flies when you're having fun...

Eternity shoveling poop as a vocation and then going home to a man who has a toddler penis and always prematurely ejaculates and snorts when he laughs and isn't all that funny to me anyway does not sound like fun.

Thank God I only think about crap like this when I'm on the terlet, or my head would explode...

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Now playing: Johnny Gill - Rub You the Right Way

I'm in tears.

I

don't even know what to say.

I was writing a post for tomorrow, and I mentioned "Rick & Bubba". They are local DJ's that I had listened to (and watched) for a long time, but I haven't really listened to them lately unless I happened to be up at that time (7am-10am) CST. I still buy their books when I see them at Wal-Mart, though.

Anyway, I was looking for a video of them and I saw something about Bronner dying. I thought "This must be a mistake, not Rick Burgess of Rick and Bubba."

Then I found "A Father's Heart" on youtube.

It's things like this that remind me why, in spite of my dislike for Him, that I still believe in God. It reminds me that my "problems" with God are my issue, something that I have to learn to deal with.

This father, who just lost his youngest son, can still believe in and serve God with no reservations.

I would love to have that kind of faith.

Seriously.

Having experienced depression, I KNOW that the loss of hope is one of the worst feelings that anyone can experience. But I also remember when I was about 16 and I had just tried to kill myself for the 7th (and last) time, that I knelt by my bed and prayed. I asked God why I was here if I had to feel like that all the time. I asked God to let me feel His love for me. I felt the most amazing thing. I can't really describe it. I saw and felt a golden light surround me and hold me tight. Like a hug. Like you would do to your child if your child was hurting.

I knew, at that moment, that there really is a God, and he really does love me. No matter what I do. No matter what I say. I know that He is there for me when I call on Him.

I pray more often than you might think. And God answers my prayers all the time.

I am not trying to convince anyone that there is only One True God. I'm not one of those people (normally) who likes to talk about Religion or Politics except with my real life friends.

I just had to share...