Saturday, September 20, 2008

I'm in tears.


I

don't even know what to say.

I was writing a post for tomorrow, and I mentioned "Rick & Bubba". They are local DJ's that I had listened to (and watched) for a long time, but I haven't really listened to them lately unless I happened to be up at that time (7am-10am) CST. I still buy their books when I see them at Wal-Mart, though.

Anyway, I was looking for a video of them and I saw something about Bronner dying. I thought "This must be a mistake, not Rick Burgess of Rick and Bubba."

Then I found "A Father's Heart" on youtube.

It's things like this that remind me why, in spite of my dislike for Him, that I still believe in God. It reminds me that my "problems" with God are my issue, something that I have to learn to deal with.

This father, who just lost his youngest son, can still believe in and serve God with no reservations.

I would love to have that kind of faith.

Seriously.

Having experienced depression, I KNOW that the loss of hope is one of the worst feelings that anyone can experience. But I also remember when I was about 16 and I had just tried to kill myself for the 7th (and last) time, that I knelt by my bed and prayed. I asked God why I was here if I had to feel like that all the time. I asked God to let me feel His love for me. I felt the most amazing thing. I can't really describe it. I saw and felt a golden light surround me and hold me tight. Like a hug. Like you would do to your child if your child was hurting.

I knew, at that moment, that there really is a God, and he really does love me. No matter what I do. No matter what I say. I know that He is there for me when I call on Him.

I pray more often than you might think. And God answers my prayers all the time.

I am not trying to convince anyone that there is only One True God. I'm not one of those people (normally) who likes to talk about Religion or Politics except with my real life friends.

I just had to share...


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