AAAAACK!!!

H

oly shit.

I was about to get on here & rant about Jennifer Hudson's big head and her fucking commercial that plays on EVERY commercial break but I was distracted by this:



Click it to make it big so you get the actual fright that I got when I saw it on my 26" screen. The older woman (Elsa Patton) is on "Watch What Happens" right now with her daughter who is a Real Housewife of Miami (I don't watch that show).

I cannot for the life of me understand WTF she's saying. She needs subtitles.

Anyway, I just really want to know what happens to people that lets them get this far with the plastic surgery shit before they stop!?!!? Seriously, look at her jaw. Joan Rivers would look like this is she were able to get more surgery, IMO.



Yuck.

I thought it was all surgery, but her daughter has an odd face too.

Actually, they showed some pictures of Elsa when she was younger & she really was beautiful. I don't know...maybe Marisol's face is part genetics & part surgery?

Whatever.

Now I'm so grossed out.

But I can't get over the fact that this chick keeps referring to "gringos" & she just called Andy Cohen a "Dandy"

Wow.

Discuss.

The Incredible Hulk

F

or whatever reason (probably boredom) I watched
The Hulk this weekend on FX.

I hadn't seen it before because I didn't enjoy the one with Eric Bana (is that his name? Australian dude... Yeah, that's him.)

This one I liked. Mainly because they paid homage to the TV series by playing the original tune, they had a clip of Bill Bixby, Lou Ferrigno did a cameo, and Stan Lee was in it too, LOL.

I enjoyed it right up until Tim Roth (who I normally love) started going psycho & they had to use all of that CGI shit.

I don't know when we will have the technology to do "The Hulk" and not have it look like a SyFy original piece of shit, but I think they should refrain until we have it.

Seriously.

Too much CGI takes me completely out of the movie experience. I sit there looking at it like "OMG, that's the best they could do?" instead of enjoying da pitcha.

If you haven't seen it and you catch it on FX or something, watch it. I wouldn't recommend that you put it in your Netflix queue, though.

My back hurts. That is all for now.

----------------
Now playing: Naughty By Nature - Uptown Anthem

My Mother - 3/16/05

T

he other day, Mommy Dearest's car wouldn't start. Since her battery was 4 years old she thought it might be that & got a new one.

Entyway, she came over to my house to borrow my Jumper cables in case the battery died again (or whatever).

What you need to know is that MD says she can't watch movies with other people because they won't STFU.

Today she came over to return my cables. While she was here she realized she didn't want to cook so we ordered pizza while Evan was out jogging with his cousins.

No idea why they all decided to 'jog' today. WTFever.

Oh no! What if "jogging" is code for "smoking meth" or whatever you do with meth and Evan was just selling the cover by changing into gym shorts & his tennis shoes??? ;-p

Anyway, while we were waiting for the pizza, we watched episode 6 of Joan & Melissa.

After that was over, I put "Due Date" with Robert Downey Jr in the DVD player.

MD proceeded to talk constantly.

She - Is the fat guy Seth Rogan?
Me - Zach Galifianakis
She - I won't remember anyway. Now why is he riding with him? I thought they were on the plane?
Me - Maybe if you'd SHUT UP and LISTEN you would understand what is going on!
She - ROTFLHFAO. You won't ever watch a movie with me again, will you?
Me - Not one I haven't seen before.

I think overall she stayed about 2 hours, which is a long visit, especially when Evan isn't here.

That is about it, except this new anti-depressant has me walking more "drunk" than normal. Which means I have another reason NOT to take this shit next month (or ever again).

My knees & back have also been hurting constantly in spite of my cortisone shot & my PMS medication.

The only good thing I can say about this shit (Bupropion, in case you were wondering) is that it makes me sleepy. I am enjoying the predictability of when I'll fall asleep, LOL.

Ta! TTYL

What the EFF 3/11/11

S

o, Evan sold one of his bikes for $15 on Wednesday. He had traded one of the 20" bikes I got him for a bigger bike with a fat motorcycle looking tire on the back.

Yes. I bought him the first 20" bike when he was about 5 and then bought him THE EXACT SAME BIKE a few years later when he needed a bigger one. I don't think either of us realized, at the time, that I was buying the same fucking thing we had at home when I bought it, LOL.

Whatever. He finally has a bike that is big enough for him to ride as a 5'9"ish boy instead of an elementary school boy.

So, when I said to him "plug in the Fry Daddy" (so I could fry some chicken) he said "Or, we could have pizza!"

*Sniff* He's just like his mama. Gets some extra $$ and it burns a hole in his pocket, LOL. (Dear Baby Jesus, please let him learn how to save $$ like his Nana does and not continue spending ASAP like his Mother does.)

So we had Pizza. Well, he had pizza. I had the Chicken Carbonara minus the bread bowl. The pasta had at least 10 whole strips of bacon cut up into it, 1 entire onion & not nearly enough sauce.

Whatever. It tasted good, if a little dry. I ate all the ziti, some of the bacon & threw the rest away. I'm proud of me. It's rare that I leave bacon uneaten.

Evan started complaining about his throat hurting at around the same time I started feeling rumbling in my stomach which is the precoursor to "The Backdoor Trots" (aka Diarrhea). I drank some Pepto & told Evan I'd take him to the Doctor on Thursday because this is the second time in a couple of weeks that his throat has hurt, for whatever reason I started thinking about his tonsils.

I spent the rest of Wed night/Thurs morning in the bathroom having liquid shit shoot out of my (_|_) and drinking Pepto (which I HATE) because I couldn't find my Immodium pills. Evan spent the entire night on the PC or watching TV downstairs with me because every time he laid down to try to sleep, he couldn't breath AND I had funked up the upstairs so bad with my bowel coffee that no amount of Lysol Fresh Linen Air Freshener could entirely cover it up.

Whatever, right?

So I didn't get to sleep until about 6 am Thurs morning. The Doctor's office opens @ 8, but I couldn't force myself awake until 9:30. I called & was told they had no appointments until Friday (today) so I took it.

I fell back to sleep and proceeded to sleep ALL FARKING DAY like a damned newborn baby except I didn't wake up to eat OR use the bathroom!!! I think I woke up at 8 pm? So of course I KNEW I'd be up all night. And I knew I'd find it almost impossible to stay awake at around 6 pm tonight (Friday), so I'd start the effing sleep for hours during the day & staying up all night cycle again.

So I just took some caffeine because I don't want to be too sleepy to drive Evan to the doc's and I don't want to take him to his appt then come home to sleep.

*Sigh*

I just hope this only keeps me up until midnight @ the latest. And I hope I don't get any more diarrhea (which is what usually happens whenever I have caffeine or aspirin & I've had both because I took 2 Excedrin Migraine pills @ 5:30 am when I KNEW I wouldn't get to sleep after 45 fucking minutes of self "pleasure" with no payoff???????????

Oh, did I forget to tell you that one of my intermittent MS symptoms is that I go numb from the waist down? That sucks because a) I don't know when I have to go to the bathroom & end up pissing myself and 2) I can't have an orgasm to help me try to get to sleep.

I'm not completely numb yet. But the vibrations which can usually send me into a frenzy in 2 minutes flat did NOTHING but feel slightly pleasurable. On the plus side, it explains why I was able to sleep for 15 hours and wake up with no backache...

Blah.

I need to go check Facebook NOW or I'll end up with 300 gifts that it takes me a week to accept because FB keeps telling me I've reached my daily limit of gifts.

*sigh*

Hugs & shit. :-)

I've got Cougar blood & Venus DNA

D

uh! Maintaining!

I say that because I am not currently losing my mind or hurting so bad all I want to do is lay in bed.

Here are some random thoughts I have been thinking about lately, though:

1. Did anyone else notice all the black people on Celebrity Apprentice this season?


2. Is the previous question just a "black people" question? (By that I mean that I don't think anyone who isn't black would notice it. Like when you walk into a big room, you look for another black person and sit/stand with them.)


3. We have so much infertility because women are concentrating on having careers first and families later, IMO.


4. Seems like a lot more women are choosing NOT to have children.


5. Why is it that the productive members of society and presumably have good DNA are NOT having kids?


6. What is a Black & White Cookie? I've never had one.


7. Is your nose cold right now too?


8. Do you watch Modern Family?




9. What's the last sweet thing you ate? I had a vanilla/chocolate ice cream sandwich.

You need to be watching

J

oan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? Tuesdays @ 9/8C on WE TV.

Why?

Because Joan Rivers is a fraking Nutbag but she cracks me the hell up.

I wasn't able to watch it until today when the OnDemand on my DVR decided to start working again. It stopped working, so I called the cable company, when the guy showed up it was working, then after he left it stopped working again. I have a few things I've taped that I want to keep forever so I never called them back again to fix it, I just kept checking every day to see if it was working yet.

Anyway, I was able to watch the first 3 episodes. Here are a few of the things I've seen:

1. Joan brought her dog with "urinary issues" to California from New York even after Melissa said no.


2. When Joan met the Nanny, she looked @ Melissa & mouthed "Are you fucking serious?" Because, according to Joan, you either have an ugly nanny or a gay nanny. Not a gorgeous Swedish chick who walks around looking like a whore.


3. Joan collects the ashes of her dead loved ones (at least 3) and wants to be cremated & mixed with them after she dies.


4. She went all over Hollywood (Rodeo Drive & Judy Garland's house) to spread some of "Uncle Tommy" around to the places that he loved when he was alive


5. Joan BARGED IN while Melissa was taking a shower to get some nude pics because the dude who created "Girls Gone Wild" wanted to have Melissa in a new video called "Hollywood Moms gone wild" & Joan wanted her to do it. (She threatened to leak the pictures, I don't know if she ever has. Or will)


6. She surprised Melissa with a new living room by giving away all of Mel's furniture to a charity & brought in new stuff that looked more "New York"


7. Apparently, no woman in that family has been able to cook for 200 years. Seriously. They eat take out @ every meal.


8. Joan is much more spry & flexible than I would have thought. When she was looking for her husband's ashes under the bed, she walked on her knees to look all around on the floor! My knees hurt if I have to get on them AT ALL

I can't remember all the shit that Joan does. But she's crazy!


Entyway, I've been feeling like shit for a few weeks. This week more than usual. I can't explain it to you.

*sigh*

Today, since I had to go out to get some food & and an oil change, I happened to run into "Usher". I think I told you about him last century? Mebbe? I don't know. But he moved & I haven't seen him since. Today as I was waiting to tell the person what I wanted done to my car, I saw another dude who used to sell weed and now just looks like he's on crack so I said "Hi."

"Usher" said "He's the only one you see?"
Me - Oh, Hey! I didn't recognize you with all that hair! (He's got the skinny dreads that I want on my hair)

I always thought he was cute. He used to flirt when he lived here. Told my cousin to tell me that if I ever needed to get laid, to come on over to his house, but of course I never did because I was probably in my 20s and he is younger than me.

Anyway, I asked where he had his dreads done and he said his cousin did them and he'll send her to do mine.

But I already bought the locking gel today so I plan on starting them this weekend.

Whew!

My Vicodin (for my back) & Xanax (for my nerves) is finally kicking in.

I hope I feel better tomorrow.

I haven't even been on the computer since last month. Can you buleedat?

TTYL!