F
irst, a little catch-up.My left hand is feeling almost normal.
My Right hand still has a little of the pins & needles & numbness going on.
I think I've forgotten how to type.
My Bell's Palsy is GONE thank the Lord.
My feet STAY swollen even if I keep my feet propped up above my heart all day.
Finished ALL of my school shopping TAX-FREE in 2 days.
I think that's it?
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Now playing: Commodores - Brick House
Anyway, my question is: What dreams did you have for your child pre-parenthood that you don't have now that you "know" your child/children?
I never intended or expected to have any children. (God had other plans, LOL.)
Anyway, when I was pregnant I had been going to weekly therapy & taking anti-depressants. (I stopped all meds when I found out I was knocked up)
But once I decided to keep the baby I started really wondering why I (a person with NO maternal instincts or even babysitting experience) was pregnant.
My pregnancy was physical hell, not to mention the fact that I was unmarried, mentally fucked up, and basically Ramen Noodle Poor.
I started wondering why God had put me in this situation. I thought my baby might grow up to be the First Black President (Thanks, Obama...), or that he might discover the cure for cancer, or something really amazing.
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Now playing: Snoop Dogg - I Wanna Rock
That's what kept me going when I came home to an empty house & fridge.
Then I met my baby. He was THE most perfect baby in the world & his first few years (up till school started) more than made up for my hellish pregnancy.
I still had Presidential/Nobel Award Winner aspirations for him.
He saved my life too. Literally. I knew I had to stay alive to make sure he grew up as a well-adjusted & contributing member of society. I knew it was MY PURPOSE to raise this child.
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Now playing: Michael Trembello - She-s a maniac
Anyway...
Now?
HA!
Don't get me wrong, I love Evan to pieces even when I want to smack the shit out of him. Or choke him. Or run away. Or send him away until he's 25ish.
I just don't have those lofty goals in my head for him.
I just want him to stay alive until he's at least 18. I don't want him to have any drug/alcohol problems. I don't want him knocking up some WHORE. I want him to gradute. I want him to go to college or pick a career that he loves. AND I don't want him to eat me out of house & home.That's not too much to ask, right? ;-)
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Now playing: Fantasia - Baby Makin' Hips
It's so good to see you back and find that you are feeling better.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember if I had any dreams. Probably not first black president. Something, though. Whatever it was, they didn't disappoint.
I think when I was a young kid I wanted to be a doctor. When I realized how much school that would mean, I wanted to be an IT person.
ReplyDeleteNow I just want to be able to walk up the stairs to the bathroom so I don't have to pack up 20 years of accumulated shit & move before I kick Evan out @ 18. :-)
The dreams were supposed to be for the kids I thought. You didn't say I could use my own dreams! I had dreams...
ReplyDelete@Relax Max I didn't know you had any children you were aware of because I don't remember any posts about them.
ReplyDelete