Open Letter to Bill Cosby

D

ear Dr. Cosby,

Just the other day, I posted a blog titled "Why I will never live with a man".

Then yesterday, I watched your Comedy Central special "Far From Finished" which CONFIRMED my reasons for WHY I will never live with a man again only in addition to the language that, in your words, will keep me from "getting into Heaven". I could argue that Jesus already died for my sins, including my potty mouth, but out of respect for your age, I'll refrain.

I just want to agree with you and let you know that my 94 year old grandmother, my mother & my sister all had 1 marriage that lasted 20 years or more and they all say, as you did in your special, that they WILL NEVER MARRY AGAIN.

So, though I skipped the whole marriage thing in my personal journey, I've spent the last 18 years raising a man. I've had ENOUGH of the male gender in MY house. ;-)

I really enjoyed your special. I suggested to MY particular "man" that I brought into this world that he watch the special too. He won't, of course, because

He's a TEENAGER so, as his mother, I am automatically not qualified to judge what is funny.

He's a male so HE DOESN'T LISTEN.

I just TOLD my young man that he cannot watch MY bigger, flat screen TV until he watches your special and he decided to go back upstairs to the room I let him use instead of watching it.

Perhaps he is not yet old enough to appreciate it.

Maybe I should offer it to him when he brings a young lady home to tell me he wants to marry her?

Perchance I'll leave a copy of it to him in my will after he's had a long-term relationship and children of his own so he can fairly judge the accuracy of your information.

Regardless of WHEN my young man watches the special, THANK YOU for making the special. I've had a particularly hard week as my favorite aunt passed away on the 19th of December so I really NEEDED a laugh! :-)

Sincerely,

Tweet

Why I will NEVER live with another man again.

F

irst, I'd like to say that I am not, nor have I ever been a lesbian (because ALL men automatically think a woman is a lesbian when in reality she's just tired of trifling ass mitches). I LOVE sex. I love LOOKING at men. I LOVE the hardness of their muscles. I LOVE gripping their asses when they're fucking the shit out of me.

But:

I only talk when I feel like talking, which is NOT that often.

I don't like to LISTEN to men talk because I usually don't give a fuck what they are talking about.

I used to cook FOR MY CHILD before my MS got bad. Luckily, it didn't get bad until he'd already learned how to scramble eggs, deep fry shit, bake shit & make hamburgers and Tuna Helper and even come up with his own recipes!

I HATE doing the laundry. When I'm at home, I'm usually wearing a t-shirt & panties. My son does HIS OWN LAUNDRY because 1) I ain't washin' his nasty drawers & b) I can't carry the basket anyway.

When I did live with a man (20 years ago) he was NEEDY. Why should I have to boost your ego? I do that for my son because I feel like it's my job as his mother, but I don't CONSTANTLY have to reassure him that I love him/he's smart/he's strong/he's sexy/he's done something well because he already KNOWS this. He's CONFIDENT in himself. I raised him to be the type of man I WISH I could meet! (You're welcome, hoes.)

My son is not a Punk Ass Bitch. If you're more of a pussy than my son (and he is NOT a pussy because I didn't raise him to be an over-sensitive 'in touch with his feminine side' weak ass MITCH) why the fuck would I want to be with you?

I don't want to share my bed. I sleep when I want and how I want. Fuck the taste out of my mouth & then GTFO of MY house!

Men are STUPID. I don't mean their IQs or "book smart" or even "street smart". Y'all just say & do STUPID SHIT and don't even have a fucking REASON why.

????????????????

Men don't LISTEN. I am smart, mkay? When I talk to you about my problems, I'm VENTING. YOU can not come up with a solution to my problems that I haven't already thought of myself or heard from one of my female friends. My BFF is in fucking MENSA. Are you? Didn't think so. Just STFU & let me say what I have to say!

Men can't SEE shit RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR FUCKING FACE. If I know where the fuck something is and I haven't seen it in a got damned week, why must I tell a man 'It's on the 2nd shelf in the refrigerator on the left. If you don't see it, MOVE THE SHIT AROUND until you do!'

No man will ever love me more than I love myself & if he does, I'll break his wittle heart JUST BECAUSE I CAN.

I can pay my bills MYSELF.

I have friends I can talk to when I need or want to talk.

I have friends/family that will help me when I need help.

I can no longer physically change my flat tires, but I know how to do it. I can no longer check the fluids in my hoopty, but I know how to do it. I can no longer carry a case of water into my house, but I can find A STRANGER who will do it for me.

The only thing a man can do for me that I can't do for myself is FUCK me. Not "make love" to me (mitch), FUCK ME til I'm weaker in the knees than usual!

There are probably more reasons, but I got shit to do tomorrow, so I need to get some sleep.

No, I'm not on my period or PMSing, I just can't wait for graduation to get my 18 year old precious son DA FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE! I want to be by myself, all day, every day without having to hear some deep voice asking me what there is in my house to eat or where something is THAT DOESN'T EVEN BELONG TO ME! I'll get my small apartment & one of those things to wear around my neck if I fall, LOL.

Tweet

Do men read?

I

only ask because if my son is any indication, men don't LISTEN.

Here's my actual profile on that dating site I was telling you I joined the other day. The highlighted parts are the parts I consider relevant to this rant question/discussion.


Did you READ my profile?

Did you see where it says that I smoke? Did you see where it said I'm looking for a man in his late 40s or early 50s?

Mkay.

So why are all these 26-33 year old men hitting on me? Why are all these men who say they WILL NOT date someone who smokes "flirting" with me?

It's because I'm so fucking hot, right?

They just saw my damned gorgeous face and ignored everything else, I suppose?

BTW, I highlighted "A few extra pounds" because that was the only option other than "Normal" or "Athletic". I know there are Chubby Chasers out there, but are they all muscular like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson? Because those are the fuckers who aren't smoking but are hitting on me too. (Not that I have a problem with the muscles, I'm just not going to go to the gym with you. ☺)

*sigh*

On another note, look what Evan posted on Facebook today



It's true though. Size 2 BITCHES complain about gaining 5 lbs when we BBWs wouldn't even notice if we lost 5 lbs, LOL.

WTF?