I fall down go boom!

W

here shall I begin?

Earlier this week, Mommy Dearest had some dental surgery. She told me she was going to have it, but I'm just thinking it was a root canal or something. But no, they actually put her under anesthesia & whatnot.

So...let's say Tuesday, because I don't remember what day it was -

I stayed with her all day. Fixed her soups, gave her ice packs, blah blah.

I don't know if I've told you this before, but being around "people" wears me out physically. It doesn't matter who they are.

I can handle Evan. Or I can handle Mommy Dearest. Dealing with both of them at the same time is worse than going to court and testifying for my own defense. (Not that I've ever done that, but I imagine I'd have an easier time doing that and not feel so worn the eff out afterwards.)

Anyway, I told The Boy that we'd go see Dinner for Schmucks on Wednesday.

But Wednesday I was so worn out from Tuesday that I slept all day.

I mean, I went to sleep on Tuesday night @ about 10 pm and didn't wake up again until 2 am on Thursday. Watched TV until 4 am, went back to sleep. I don't even remember using the bathroom.

So Thursday I went to pay my car insurance in person, because I wanted to get on the monthly payment plan instead of having to pay one big bill every six months.

After that, we went to see the movie.

I got out of the car and looked at the 8 inch curb. I've been walking pretty good w/o the use of a walker lately, but I still don't completely trust my left leg not to collapse on me.

So I took the "safe route" and was going to walk up the handicapped ramp thingee. You know what I mean, where they - uh- slope the curb for people with wheelchairs and whatnot.

Anyway, I started walking up the slope instead of risking my life stepping up onto the curb and my "special leg" locked the fuck up and wouldn't bend or I tripped, or my foot slipped?

All I know is that I had all my weight on that leg.

I believe I had time to say "Oh shit!" and then I was down in the parking lot.

Did I mention it was like 105 degrees that day?

Luckily, I had my sweater because for the past 3 or 4 weeks, I've been freezing. Freezing like my 90 year old grandmother's house (which usually has me burning up) is cold. I have goosebumps all the time. Even when I'm sweating.

So I put the sweater down under my arm & left leg and sat there with my right leg under the car.

Some 80 year old dude (probably not 80, but he looked older than Methuselah) asked if I was ok or if he could help me up. He even asked if I needed an ambulance? (Wondering WTF I looked like if he thought I needed an ambulance, LOL.)

So he & Evan helped me up.

Then we went to see the movie.

I will tell that story next time I get online.

But if you're planning to go see "Dinner for Schmucks", I'd go see "The Other Guys" or "Salt" first. Not that the movie was bad, it just wasn't as funny as I thought it would be.

Now I have to use the damned walker because my left knee really hurts and is swollen.

I felt my knee hyper extend all the way back before I fell. It bent so far the wrong way that I'm thrilled that I fell.

Seriously.

It stopped the immediate searing pain.

The only positive thing I can say about this week is that we got all of Evan's school shopping done TAX FREE.

If you live in TN or AL, clothes, school supplies, computers are all tax free this weekend until Sunday Midnight.

You're welcome.

My Special Leg Part Deux

S

o today my special leg is doing the "nervous" thing. I remembered to record it.

You're welcome.




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Now playing: Cinderella - Shake Me
via FoxyTunes

Video of my "special" leg.

In answer to Ada's question, no my leg has not forgiven me.

I don't know what to get her. She can't wear all the sexy shoes I used to buy for her & I'd look weird with one hott shoe & one sneaker, LOL.

I could get her a pedicure...

Maybe.

Anyway, here's the video. I don't know why it's so pixelated. But I think you get the gist.

My "Physically Disabled" leg HATES me!

Ok, so I fell asleep at about 11:30 last night.

I was extremely tired this morning.

I didn't actually GET OUT of bed until about noon.

I wanted to go to the bathroom. I know I went earlier in the day, because I forgot to flush & since Evan doesn't use toilet paper for #1 it was ME. (After constantly telling him to remember to flush. That is so gross, LOL.)

Anyway, my left leg, the one I call "my retarded leg" kept...um...failing? I can't think of the right word. It was weaker than usually. I'd get a dull but sudden pain in my lower back/hip area & my knee would try to fold. I almost fell about 3 times before I decided to sit a while.

I sat on the bed staring at my leg convulsing.

I think it read my blog yesterday.

Evan & I openly refer to my left leg as "the retarded leg" but until I wrote yesterday's post, THIS particular retardedness has never happened.

I think it's offended.

So now it's acting out.

The PUNK. It's showing a lot of "bitchassness", to quote Diddy.

If I had a video camera, I'd record it for you.

When I take off my shoes, it keeps flying up in the air like the doctor is checking my reflexes or something. It gradually flies up lower and lower until it's finally still. Evan thinks this is funny. Sometimes he'll just lift my leg up & drop it to watch it freak out fly up.

Sometimes when I stand, it starts shaking like I have an earthquake going on in that ONE specific part of my body.

Today it was quivering. Like it was cold.

Very odd.

So I'm going to have to think of something else to call it because clearly, it does not like being called "Retarded".

Dear Left Leg,

I am sorry if I offended you yesterday by telling everybody how much you effing suck you geedee Body Betrayer! that you are "retarded".

I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I was just trying to explain that you are like a fucking 60 lb child is hanging onto my leg screaming "Don't go, Mommy!" a bit harder to use than my right leg.

Please accept my apology and stop freaking the hell out on me continue to work in your usual fashion.

Thank you for not being complete dead weight. I love you even though you ARE retarded & I sometimes wish I could amputate you & get a fake limb. I'm glad that you work as well as you do under the circumstances.

XOXO
Angelika

Now, I think I will continue re-braiding my hair & playing Mario Party on my lame ass wonderful Gamecube that provides endless entertainment & "family time" for myself & my son. :-)