Thursday, April 10, 2008

My "Physically Disabled" leg HATES me!

Ok, so I fell asleep at about 11:30 last night.

I was extremely tired this morning.

I didn't actually GET OUT of bed until about noon.

I wanted to go to the bathroom. I know I went earlier in the day, because I forgot to flush & since Evan doesn't use toilet paper for #1 it was ME. (After constantly telling him to remember to flush. That is so gross, LOL.)

Anyway, my left leg, the one I call "my retarded leg" I can't think of the right word. It was weaker than usually. I'd get a dull but sudden pain in my lower back/hip area & my knee would try to fold. I almost fell about 3 times before I decided to sit a while.

I sat on the bed staring at my leg convulsing.

I think it read my blog yesterday.

Evan & I openly refer to my left leg as "the retarded leg" but until I wrote yesterday's post, THIS particular retardedness has never happened.

I think it's offended.

So now it's acting out.

The PUNK. It's showing a lot of "bitchassness", to quote Diddy.

If I had a video camera, I'd record it for you.

When I take off my shoes, it keeps flying up in the air like the doctor is checking my reflexes or something. It gradually flies up lower and lower until it's finally still. Evan thinks this is funny. Sometimes he'll just lift my leg up & drop it to watch it freak out fly up.

Sometimes when I stand, it starts shaking like I have an earthquake going on in that ONE specific part of my body.

Today it was quivering. Like it was cold.

Very odd.

So I'm going to have to think of something else to call it because clearly, it does not like being called "Retarded".

Dear Left Leg,

I am sorry if I offended you yesterday by telling everybody how much you effing suck you geedee Body Betrayer! that you are "retarded".

I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I was just trying to explain that you are like a fucking 60 lb child is hanging onto my leg screaming "Don't go, Mommy!" a bit harder to use than my right leg.

Please accept my apology and stop freaking the hell out on me continue to work in your usual fashion.

Thank you for not being complete dead weight. I love you even though you ARE retarded & I sometimes wish I could amputate you & get a fake limb. I'm glad that you work as well as you do under the circumstances.


Now, I think I will continue re-braiding my hair & playing Mario Party on my lame ass wonderful Gamecube that provides endless entertainment & "family time" for myself & my son. :-)

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