Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Mommy Dearest came over today - 9/16/09

Mommy Dearest
Feeling Normal


or some reason, my phone does not give me her voice mails for DAYS. I always get it when she just leaves a call-back #, but the voice mails usually arrive about a week late.

She called me this morning. I called her back @ 11:30 when I got the text msg. Anyway, she got tired of waiting for me to call back and just came over.

Last week we were over there and she told me that her freezer was dying. Not the one on top of the refrigerator, but the big freezer that she had in the garage.

Last Week
Me: Well did you get all the crap out?
She: No, some of it is still frozen, so I'm just going to leave it in there and if it dies, I'll just get someone to take it to the curb for the garbage men.
Me: Good luck with that. Because if you let that crap spoil in there, I am NOT helping you take it to the curb. My fridge died once and it was the most God awful funk ever.

FF to today

She: I'm mad at you
Me: Why?
She: You should have told me that I needed to take that stuff out of the house right away! My whole garage smells like someone died in there.
Me: When you told me you were going to leave all that shit in there until Garbage Day I said "Good Luck with that" which translates as "That doesn't sound like a good idea to me."
She: But you said you wouldn't help me!
Me: I said if you wait for it to spoil I wouldn't help you. I would have helped you that day!
She: But there was still some ice in there....
Me: Uh huh
She: Anyway, every time I go in that garage I get mad @ you.
Me: Whatever.

Yesterday she called me because she couldn't get her computer to go off.

I have been over there and written down instructions for her. Like:

To shut down computer:
1. Click CTRL + ALT + Delete at the same time.
2. Click the red rectangle at the bottom right hand corner.
3. Turn off monitor.

So last night she calls & tells me that she can't get the computer to go off. Her words were:

She: The lights won't go off
Me: On the tower or the monitor?
She: The little black thing on the bottom of the desk
Me: The modem? Those lights never go out.
She: No, on the tv thingee.
Me: The monitor?
She: The what?
Me: The tv thingee, where you watch youtube videos. That light won't go off?
She: Right
Me: Well, did you shut down the computer?
She: What?
Me: Hit CTRL, ALT, Delete
She: But I'm still on youtube, don't I have to X out of that? (Evan's terminology)
Me: Hit CTRL, ALT, Delete
She: But what about -
Me: JUST Hit CTRL, ALT, Delete!
She: Ok. It says "Lock computer, switch users-"
Me: Just click on the red rectangle at the bottom with your mouse
Login Screen
She: Ok, it says "Monitor going to sleep" (Do you see how long this was taking if the damned monitor was going to sleep????)
It would be funny if it wasn't my life, and I was just an observer. :-)Me: Move your mouse. Is the screen back up?
She: Yes
Me: Well click the red rectangle
She: Oh, the thing with the arrow?
Me: That is a square. Hit the RECTANGLE beside the square.
Evan: The circle thingee with the line through it.
She: OH! Why didn't YOU say that?
Me: *sigh* I don't know.

See what I have to deal with??

When did it become my job to take care of my mother?

She gets irritated when I tell her shit like "You need a new DVD player" because hers isn't playing the new movies she buys. Then she asks my brother and he says the same damned thing that I said and that's when she's convinced.

Now I'm supposed to brow beat her until she gets a new freezer or takes the defrosting food out before she's ready to let go of it????

I decided a while ago that I'll give my advice once to people (all people) and if they don't want to take it, then it's not my business anymore. I can't make people (especially Mommy Freaking Dearest) listen to me.

*longsuffering sigh*

What's retarded is she goes through this shit with her mom, LOL. She tells her mother she needs to do something, Omah doesn't listen, then my mom calls me to complain about her mom. It would be funny if it wasn't my life, and I was just an observer. :-)

Now playing: Carl Carlton - She's A Bad Mama Jama


  1. Ya know, this post smacks of a damn fine sit-com if you ask me.

    My mom's the queen of drama. In fact, she still refers to her hysterectomy as her "cancer surgery." haha.

  2. Marsha - Everyone who doesn't actually know my mother thinks this stuff is funny. IRL, it's frustrating as hell!

  3. 1. That is weirdly coincidental: none of her messages ever show up on MY voice mail either! Amazing, but true.

    2. I am truly sorry about the freezer and the DVD player and you being somehow responsible, although you probably are.

    3. Now you understand why I use a Mac.

    Me: "Shut down now"
    Mac: "Are you sure?"
    Me: "Yes"

    (Mac shuts down) No red things or rectangles. I couldn't handle those with my doggy IQ. :)

    4. I guess there is no number 4. Except to tell you I had to flunk you on both the tests you missed.

  4. Max - You flunked me?!?!?!

    Then there's no reason for me to take any of the tests you put up. It's too late now for me to get a 100% A+.


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