Ok, sometime in 2007 I saw that 2girls video.
Because if you tell me NOT to look, I have to look.
I was more disgusted than you can imagine. Like I couldn't eat or even think about food for 3 days disgusted. Like constantly on the verge of vomiting disgusted. Like I couldn't close my eyes without seeing that filth disgusted.
So I learned something. That thing being "Maybe I DON'T need to see everything."
But it wasn't so much the images that disgusted me. It was the depravity of human beings. The depths to which people will sink just for their 15 minutes of fame/infamy.
Then someone sent me a link to some woman who set herself on fire.
I lost it.
That image was disturbing. But on the heels of the 2 girls "incident", it was just too much for me to take.
I have become disgusted by most things people are doing these days. Especially "women". I don't really consider them women. They're females. Not WOMEN.
I've always been a bit of a prude. The older I get, the more prudish I get. With some things, I am growing more tolerant.
But with this other depraved shit that goes on, I just get more sad & hopeless.
I wonder what the FUCK God is waiting for?!?!
WHY is He sitting up there letting this world get sicker & sicker?
I realized that something was seriously wrong when I had 2 episodes of Nip/Tuck taped for about a week & hadn't watched them. I just kept clicking "Keep for 2 days" whenever my little ! showed up.
Last night I watched one of them.
I've never been grossed out by blood & guts, but I had to watch that episode with my eyes half shut.
Then I watched the other one this morning.
I realized that I was scared to see what was going to happen next.
Me. Scared. Of a television show.
Nothing scares me.
Except the state of the world today.
How insane people seem to be.
How everyone else seems to feed on the insanity like vampires.
Like this Britney Spears thing.
I'd heard that she was committed & ordered to stay for 10 days or something.
I thought "Good, maybe she'll be able to wake the fuck up and actually see what's been going on in her life."
But no. She's out now.
DO YOU SEE HOW FUCKED UP IT IS THAT I'M CONCERNED FOR THIS GIRL THAT I HAD PREVIOUSLY DISLIKED INTENSELY?
I don't think you do.
Let me try to put this in terms that you might understand.
I hate Oprah. I think everyone knows this.
It's as if Oprah fell down & scraped her knee and instead of thinking "Good! I hate that bitch! I hope it gets infected and her leg falls off.", I find myself thinking "OMG! I hope she's going to be ok. I'm going to send her a pair of knee pads so this never happens again."
But it's not about Britney. It's about everyone/everything else & my reaction to it.
I'm losing my fucking mind.
I don't know what's happening to me.
But I CAN.NOT.DEAL.WITH.THIS.SHIT.ANYMORE!
I can't watch Nip/Tuck anymore.
Or anything that shows people at their worst.
I'm going to have to start watching Nickelodeon or something....
Listening to: Ludacris - Girls Gone Wild
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