Wednesday, August 16, 2006

*Rolling Eyes*

So, Evan tries to find a different reason to miss school every day.

Last week one morning he came downstairs and put the thermometer in his mouth.
Me - You're going to school, Evan.
He - *Sigh*, going back upstairs to get dressed.

Have I ever told you about the elaborate explanations he comes up with to explain why he can't do something? Last year he told his teacher his intestines were hurting.

...

So I took some Pepto to school, gave it to him in the office, and left him at school.

Everybody else buys the BS he feeds them. Cause he's so cute. They don't think there's a devious mind at work there.

So today he calls my mother. Said something like "I feel like the shaft of a hammer is pressing into my stomach."

Why did he call her? Because he knew I'd say "Whatever. See you at 3:30!"

She told him she'd come over here and tell me what he said. She did.

She watched an episode of house.

She said "Are you going to the school?"
Me - No
She - Oh. Well...I hope he hasn't called again while I've been here.
Me - He'll get the point when no one shows up at school.
She - Oh. Oh well.

I offered her a drink. She went to the kitchen. Saw all the dishes (Evan gets $10 to wash the dishes since I can't stand up that long anymore. Plus I don't want to do it anyway, LOL. Plus this way he EARNS all the toys he gets. Who the hell needs 300 action figures???)

So she started washing the dishes. Then she cleaned the kitchen. Everything but mopping. JOY! I only mop when the bug man is coming.

She said "What are you going to tell Evan when he gets home?"
Me - I'm going to tell him to get in the kitchen and wash the geedee dishes since he didn't wash them yesterday.
She - He's gonna ask if you've been cleaning.
Me - I'm going to say "HA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

So I guess she needs him to call her when he gets home and sees the clean kitchen because she might think I told him I did it. (She's like that. Ever since I was a teen who constantly lied to her unless I thought the truth would horrify her more she thinks all I do is lie. What she doesn't understand is that I DON'T HAVE TO LIVE WITH HER ANYMORE SO I HAVE NO REASON TO LIE.)

I should have had her water my plants too. They look sorry.

I used to have a real green thumb. But then I used to vacuum every day too, LOL.

Whateva.

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