Open Letter to Mother Nature

D

ear Mother Nature,

Why do you let me park my car waaaaaaay away from the house when the ground is frozen solid so there's no danger of the car getting stuck but there is the danger that I might slip and break my neck on all the frozen icy snow.

BUT then let me park right next to my door when it's going to rain like the Noah Flood so I get stuck in the geedee mud when I try to move my car?

You know my son doesn't know how to wipe his feet. Mud should be OUTSIDE.

While I'm at it. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE MY EFFING NIPPLES SO GEEDEE SORE WHEN I'M EXPECTING MY PERIOD? Isn't it bad enough that I have to put up with 3-5 days of bleeding and eating chocolate like it's going out of style & pimples & shit on my otherwise flawless (rolling my eyes) skin??? You KNOW I don't want any more fucking pain in my ass kids precious blessings from God. Who do I have to put up with this curse every month? AND when it ends, why will I have hot flashes & junk? And possibly a menopause baby? (Assuming I EVER get laid again.)

You're a hater. Who made you so full of venom that you have to take it out on all of use innocent (LMAO!) humans all the time?

YOU need to get laid.

Or something.

You're a meanieface.

Sincerely,
The sore nippled pmssing bitch with her car parked right outside the door in 12 inches of mud thanks to your ass.

AKA