Yes, I'm awake.

N

o, I don't like it.

I was visiting blogs and I read People in the Sun's latest post about her doctor visit and the "embarrassing" questions the doctor asked about her sex life in front of her mother.

She asked if we'd ever had our parents find out about something we'd done that they'd never known about.

I don't think so.

My parents knew when I came home drunk at age 13 - One of my friend's moms had a wine cellar. She said her mom would notice an open bottle of wine, but she would not notice a missing bottle of wine. So I drank the whole bottle. Got home, vomited in the trash can and still had to do the dishes. They figured I'd learned my lesson. I guess I did, because I can't stand the taste of wine to this day, LOL.

My mom knows (now) that we (my friends and I) used to go to one girl's house to watch the porn that her parents had. They had an entire closet of porn. They were stupid enough to think that leaving the tape at a specific point in the video would alert them if she had watched it. But...timer, dur. We would just rewind it to the beginning & stop it at that point in the video. Parents can be, like, so stupid sometimes.

My mother watched a porn with me and my cousin (who was one year younger than me) when I was 19. It was then that my mother said one of the things she always said to shock/embarrass/disgust me.

My cousin - His penis looks "rusty" (Dark. Like your knees/elbows can get). Why is it so black compared to the rest of him?
MD - It's not rusty. *in an, at that time, unfamiliar tone*
Me & Cousin - *shocked looks*

MD & I were just talking about how she used to gross me out when I was a kid. I thought I'd never have sex.

Seriously.

I assumed I'd marry a gay man and only have sex to procreate because she had grossed me out so much.

She can make things sound really filthy, LOL.

She would make offhand remarks that would totally make me want to run & hide in my room.

Once, one of our neighbors (back when I was 13 again) bent over to pick up his newspaper.

MD - Just look at his balls hanging down like that. Just the thought of those things smacking my ass...

I think I blocked out the rest.

See?

She totally ruined me.

For a long time.

Then the first guy who kissed me basically just opened his mouth and slobbered on me.

I went home and gargled with rubbing alcohol. I felt so slimy.

Ew.

It's grossing me out just thinking about it.

Anyway, it wasn't until I was 20 that I met my first lover. He was an excellent kisser. And that's when I thought "Oh. Well if he can make me tingle like this from a kiss, what else can he do?"

So yeah, it was over for my "I'm never having sex" pledge at that point.

Entyway.

I have to P.

And I'd really like to get some sleep before Evan wakes up and comes down to watch his freaking cartoons.

*sigh*

Update: Yes, People commented that it wasn't her blog that had the post "Dear Mother, I have sinned." It was WTF Do You Blog About?

HA!

Sorry for the mix up. :-)