Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Activating Mommy Dearest's cell phone

So today MD picked me up and took me to her house so that I could change the settings on her answering machine.

It took 2 seconds. There's a little switch on the back that you move from "Answer after 3 rings" to "Answer after 5 rings".

Apparently this was too much for her to handle.

Yesterday she took my grandmother to the hospital. While Omah was in there, MD wanted to move the car. It wouldn't start. So she had to search for a pay phone to call my brother so he could come tell her that her battery was dead.

I will not get into the fact that she has a 2007 car that tells her when she needs to check the battery.

I will not get into the fact that she's had a geedee cell phone for at least 6 months and never activated it.

So while I was there, I decided to activate it.

As you know, most things in America seem to be outsourced to India, China, Taiwan, whatever. I AM NOT making any political statements here. I am just stating the facts.

Me - I am trying to activate my new cell phone, but it still tells me that my next purchase of minutes has to happen on 01/01/2001.

Dude - Ok Mom (Ma'am, but it sounded like Mom) Do you see the menu button?

Me - Yes

Dude - Ok. How is the weather there?

Me - I don't know, I haven't been outside

Dude - Ok Mom. We are getting reports that it is very cold there.

Me - Ok?

Dude - I am having some technical - Mom, are you there, Mom?

Me - Yes. I can hear you.

Dude - Ok Mom, we are having some technical difficulties.

Me - *rolling my eyes* (At this point, MD had picked up the phone because I guess I had some kind of WTF look on my face as soon as he started asking me about the weather) OK.

So then he tells me that he's going to give me a series of numbers that I have to enter into the phone.

Dude - tree eught

Me - Do what? 3 8?

Dude - Yes Mom.

Me - ok

Dude - sevun nien tree forr

Me - ok

Dude - tree eight nine

Me - ok

Dude - too eught nine

Me - 2 8 9?

Dude - Yes Mom.

This went on for like 20 minutes. Sometimes he said eight very clearly, other times I don't know what the fuck came out of his mouth. I can't even really spell it phonetically. It was crazy.

He would wait forever to give me the next series of numbers. I had to say "OK" to let him know that I had entered the numbers. I wanted to tell him to hurry the fuck up but I didn't know if that would stress him out so much that his accent got worse or what.

Then the more he said "eught", the more he sounded funny to me so I had to try not to laugh because there were a few times when he thought we had been disconnected and I heard him every time.

I was calling from a landline. I don't know what the problem was.

But after I hung up, MD said "I'm so glad that you did that, because I wouldn't have understood him at all. Especially when he said 'eight'"

Me - Well, it's done now. I'm going to call me from this phone so that I'll have your number. Plug the phone in right beside the door with your purse. That way it will always be charged. All you have to do is grab it before you walk out the door and if you ever have any more car problems, you won't have to go searching for a pay phone.

She - I'm going to get a loud (southern for bright) phone case.

Me - Ok...doesn't really matter what the case looks like if you never take the phone with you, though

She - Shut up.

Me - FINE! Take me HOME!

That is all.

Listening to: Prince - Guitar
via FoxyTunes

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