Wednesday, September 06, 2006

I'm never going to have sex again

I have to come to terms with that.

I have relapsing/remitting multiple sclerosis. Which means that shit happens (like I go blind in one eye) but then it gets better.

I've been using a walker for several months. I finally broke down and got one with wheels and a seat.

That's not sexy.

I had to cut all my hair off because I can't stand up long enough to wash it in the shower anymore, and if I get on my knees to wash it in the tub like I had been doing, I can't get up. It takes - it took over an hour to blow dry it. I couldn't do it anymore. So I cut it off.

2 things I always like about myself were my hair and my walk. I had a lot of hair. I mean, I would occasionally cut it off just because I was tired of the maintenance, but it was a CHOICE. I didn't feel like I had a choice about this. At least with no hair it can't look bad, LOL.

I never saw my walk, but I got a lot of comments about it. :-)

Have you ever seen somebody with a walker made you think "Damn. I've GOT to get some of that?"

No.

I guess the bottom line is that I don't feel confident anymore.

Same face. Pretty much the same brain. Different expression behind the eyes.

I have to walk with my head down now because I'm looking for anything that might make me trip.

That FEELS insecure. I'm sure it looks insecure too. That's not sexy.

That is all.

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