Saturday, September 26, 2009

For Cardiogirl

Feeling Normal


nce again, you have asked questions that require more space than I feel is polite to use in the VIP Lounge. So here are my answers to the questions that you asked.

Did Belinda Carlisle get it right when she sang that song “Heaven is a Place on Earth? That's just a song. But I think the underlying message is that you should try to live your life like there is no "afterlife" and be a kind, generous & loving human being while you're here. If everybody did that, it would be as close to heaven as possible.

Does God seriously love me no matter what I do and if so, how does his punishment figure into that? Does he get pissed off when I choose the wrong path? What about when I knowingly choose the wrong path? Yes. God is your Heavenly Father. You love your kids no matter what, right? You get irritated when they do the wrong thing. Sometimes you have to punish them, especially if they do the wrong thing knowing that it was wrong before they did it. But it doesn't stop you from loving them.

Will my mind work in Heaven the way it does here on Earth? Should Heaven and Earth be capitalized? Having never been to heaven, I have no idea about how your mind will work. But it has to be different, don't you think?

Are Heaven & Earth proper nouns like America or Saturn? If so, they should be capitalized. You would think they are, but I'm not an English teacher or a theologian so you should ask your preacher/pastor/minister/whatever.

What’s it like just adoring God all day for all of eternity? Is there boredom in Heaven? Girl, I have wondered this myself many times, LOL. I think if our minds work the same as they do here on Earth, there has to be boredom. On the other hand, I don't think God will let us feel pain (physical or psychological) so I don't know. Maybe things will just be so great that we don't think about being bored (or tired, for that matter.) That's a question I'll have to contemplate when I'm high... :-)

Will I run into people I know in Heaven? What if it’s that chick from seventh grade who dissed me and who I continue to despise to this day? Will I let go of grudges if I get there? Am I going to make it to Heaven?
You will have forgiven that chick from 7th grade by then because you'll be IN FREAKING HEAVEN and won't have time for that petty shit.
Yes, you'll let go of grudges. I might even stop hating MD's other daughter. I mean, I'll have to in order to get there, right?
I can't answer that. But if I make it, I know you'll be there. :-)

Why did all of the shitty stuff that I’ve experienced so far have to happen? Please don’t tell me it’s because people have free will and don’t tell me it was a character-building exercise.
You just had to make this difficult didn't you. :-)
Well, you are the sum of all of your experiences. You're a pretty rocking chick, IMO, and you wouldn't be the same person if you'd had a different father or the chick from 7th grade hadn't dissed you.

You'd be a completely different person. You might not even be Cardiogirl. You might be Carbogirl or something, LOL.

You've heard the saying "If all the people in the world placed their troubles on a table, you would take yours back." (but more poetic than that, I don't know from poetry...)

Basically, it built your character. HA!!!!!!!!!!

Why do some people live a charmed life, relatively speaking, while others do not? For example, some people don’t have to deal with clinical depression. Some people don’t have to watch family members die a lingering, slow death. A death that lasts for more than ten years.
We don't know what kind of lives other people lead. I'm sure that when people see you, they don't think "Wow, she has clinical depression and has had relatives die from Alzheimer's disease."

From the outside, it might look charmed. But were we flies on the wall of that person's private life, we would find out that it isn't so charming or nice. Back to the "I'll keep my own problems, thanks." thing.

As shitty as it sounds, bad things have to happen to someone. If nothing bad ever happened, Heaven wouldn't really be a reward, would it?

What about those assholes who work for and represent the church, most notably the effers in the Catholic church who cross sexual boundaries? What about that?

There is a special place in Hell for child molesters & people who take advantage of those weaker than themselves.

I like to think that they get anally raped with a molten hot poker every day for eternity. I don't worry about the implausibility issues. If I can believe in Heaven, I can believe in a Hell suited for each individual person's sins. :-)

Why do people act as if God will fix this shit if only we pray hard enough? Does that mean the person who had really bad odds with cancer, but beat it anyway, prayed in the correct manner whereas the people who died did not pray hard enough? What the fuck crystal ball?

Because people are basically lazy and a lot of them are not willing to look at their own responsibility for their problems. It's easier to blame someone else or hope that someone else will fix it.

No, the person who died didn't necessarily "do" anything wrong. Maybe it had to happen that way. God has a plan, and we don't know what it is.

Back when I was suicidal, I never thought about the impact that my suicide would have on other people.

I'm going to take a minute now to do that.

Had I killed myself, my mother would have lost a husband to cancer & a child to suicide. This might have made her have a breakdown &/or spend the rest of her life wondering what she did wrong to deserve such a fate.

Evan would not have been born. Evan might discover a cure for cancer or write a book that changes the way people think or make a movie that wins 11 Academy Awards, or just be there to call 911 when someone else is in trouble.

All the people that I've touched in my life would be different. Whether that's a negative, I'll never know. But I do know that people who come in contact with me IRL or online or through stories others tell about me have their lives changed.

My life has had an impact on the lives of (possibly) millions of people. It's not grandiose thinking. I believe it to be fact.

I remember when I was 16 & I wanted a white Marilyn Monroesque Prom Dress. MD made me get a Southern Belle pink piece of taffeta (or whatever) crap. I sat in the mall & cried. A mentally disabled girl with glasses & a blonde "afro" came up to me and asked me what was wrong. I don't know why I answered her. I don't remember what she said to me. But I do know that after talking to her, I felt better.

If she's still alive, she probably doesn't remember me. She probably doesn't remember that moment. But I do. It brings tears to my eyes as I remember. That nameless girl that I wouldn't recognize today gave me comfort. And because of her, I may have been inspired to give comfort to someone else that I don't remember, but they do.

Think of all the random crap from your life that you remember. All of that has shaped who you are and what you do today. Like that girl from 7th grade - she probably doesn't even remember dissing you. But because she did, you were probably more careful not to treat someone else like that, because you remember what it felt like.

Now that I've taken up a major part of your day, continue spreading joy to your readers.

I hope I've given you some comfort. :-)

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