I'm clearly NOT ready to date.

F

or whatever reason this weekend, I joined one of those online dating sites. Put up a picture & a short bio. You apparently can't have one longer than a sentence if you don't pay for it...

So my 1 sentence said "Looking for a man in his late 40s or early 50s near Chattanooga, TN."

So...I've gotten notes from (paying) members from the ages of 27 to 52. I'm totally cool with the higher end of the spectrum, but 27?? Seriously?

Whatever.

So one guy was talking to me and I said "Hello, youngun. I'm not quite ready to be a cougar. I know it's only 3 years, but you'd have to have an 'old soul' to make up the difference. :-)"

He said something like "I'm 3 years younger than you."

Me - Yeah, didn't I just say that? Also, you're so far away. 3 hours one way is a little long to drive to meet someone, don't you think? (Trying to get him to realize that I AM NOT INTERESTED)

Him - It's a 3 hour drive.

Me - Yes. I just said that...

Him - Ok.

?????????

Is it just me, or was he stupid?

OMG I'm never going to get laid again if I can't allow myself to speak to idjits without letting them know that I think they're retarded.

*sigh*

Anyway, I took my E-cig to my mom's house the other day. Waited until she came into the room to sit down and took a drag off of it.

She was about to flip the frak out until she realized it was fake.

MD - I knew I didn't smell anything! Why are you trying to get me to hurt you?
Me - You're not going to hurt me. If you do, you'll have to feed The Boy until I get better!

HA!

Got my E-Cig!

G

ot my E-Cigs today!

Random Question OTW

I

f you could have dinner with any 3 well known people, alive or dead, who would you pick?

Since I made up this question (I know, so original) I can make the rules.

1. Stephen Fry. Because I think he's hilarious and if he did that crazy laugh of his I'd be in tears all night.

2. 1990s Prince. Like "Batman Soundtrack" Prince. When he was still having sex and before the damned Jehovah's Witness shit.

3. Laura Ingalls Wilder. Because I've always been interested in the way she lived.

Your turn. :-)

----------------
Now playing: Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit

Video of the Day

T

ake 5 by the Dave Brubeck Quartet.

Wow this video is so much faster than the version I have on my iTunes, LOL. It's like they drank a few Red Bulls before they performed it.

Enjoy! :-)

----------------
Now playing: Ricky Martin - La Copa de la Via

Stuff - 1-25-11

H

i.

So Mommy Dearest came over today because she called me yesterday & I never called her back (no minutes). She asked if I wanted to go out to eat, her treat after I used her phone to call the dude about my car ($206!!!!!!!)

MD - Let's go to Sonic
Me - Ok
MD - But maybe I want to go to the Dairy Bar & get a salad
Me - Ok
MD - But I want to try that corn dog @ Sonic. The other day when you had one you said it was good. So maybe I want to try that?
Me - Ok.
MD - I wish you'd stop saying "Ok" in that bored voice of yours!
Me - I am acknowledging that I heard you. What do you want me to say? Have you taken your xanax today?
MD - No, I'm going to take it tonight.
Me - Well, you're supposed to take it twice a day. I'm glad I took mine today.

She was hyperish. Very Odd.

But she was in a good mood. Didn't even flinch when I asked to borrow $200 for my effing car, LOL.

She's a worrier.

I'm glad I didn't get that trait from her.

I mean, I AM a worrier, but it's more internal than external. No one but Evan has ever really seen me flustered.

She did hear on some TV show that cussing relieves stress. So she's cussing a lot more. It's funny because if Evan's in the car she whispers the cuss words to me.

Evan - I can still hear you. It's not like I don't hear those words at school anyway.
She - But I'm your Nana. I'm not supposed to curse.
Evan - *Teenage 'Everyone but me is an idiot' voice* Ok...

She does crack me up when she says the F word, though. It's like she thinks she's going to be arrested or something.

She needs to just get OVER that like her mother. Who cusses in church, I shit you not. LOL.

That is all!

----------------
Now playing: Ricky Martin - Cambia la piel

Being Human

S

o there's a vampire, a ghost and a werewolf...

Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, right?

:-)

Anyway, one of SyFy's new shows is Being Human. A vampire & a werewolf move into a house inhabited by the ghost of a chick who died 6 months previously. The vamp & his buddy move in to try to act like normal human beings and keep each other from "falling off the wagon" and killing people.

After they move in, they are surprised to find the ghost of an oddly "perky" ghost who is surprised that they can see her (since no one else can).

This is only the second show, but it's aight so far.

I mean, I'm not a Twilight fan. I watched the first movie because it was at the library & I rented it for free, but I haven't read any of the books and have no desire to see any of the other movies.

Being Human capitalizes on the current vampire/werewolf craze in a way that Moonlight was unable to do. Also, this is on SyFy, which means that it will be given more than a few episodes to gain a fan base.

If you're too old for Twilight & too young for Bela Lugosi movies, you might enjoy this series. It's on SyFy on Mondays @ 9/8c.

In other news, I got a catalog in the mail today. I never get catalogs. Only the usual store circulars & Domino's coupons. But this is a catalog for Nerds!

O.M.Actual.G!!!!!!!!!

In addition to Unicorn Meat in a can, the ThinkGeek 8-bit tie and Space Gun LED Key Ring, there's baconnaise (bacon flavored Mayo), bacon scented candles, a talking bacon plushie & all kinds of other bacon shit! (Did you know there was bacon flavored hot sauce? I didn't) Wheeeeeeeee. I'm ordering the Baconnaise & possibly the bacon flavored pop-corn. (There's bacon salt too.) OMG. I feel the clogged arteries already, LOL.

We don't get actual bacon much because it's too expensive to keep in the house with The Boy who can go through a 24 pack of hot dogs in a week.

Hmmmm, I can get a Sonic Screwdriver like the 10th or 11th Doctor. :-) Since I haven't seen the 11th Doctor, I'll stick with the 10th. I think it can be an actual screwdriver or you can get one that's an ink pen.

I think I got on their mailing list when I ordered my Bazinga Shirt for X-mas. Whatevs. I like it. :-)

----------------
Now playing: Michael Mcdonald - Keep Forgetting

If you woke up tomorrow

L

iving the life you think you want, would you stay or would you try to get back to your actual life?

For example, if you think you want to be a famous actor & woke up getting ready to go to the set of your latest movie, but along the way you were hounded by paparazzi & found out that someone is suing you for something ridiculous and you were on the tabloids for getting drunk & trashing a hotel room with a prostitute locked in the closet, would you still stay? Do you think you could handle it?

Or, if all you want is to be a stay at home mom with 3 kids and a dog and it turns out that your husband is an alcoholic or a gambler, one of your kids is mentally or physically challenged or one of your kids is using drugs or your last kid has run off to star in porn movies, would you try to make the best of it?

Basically I'm asking if you really believe the grass is greener on the other side.

The Guy I crush on when I was 13...

I

don't know how we got on this subject @ my favorite forum, but we were talking about boys we had crushes on in High School.

So I looked up the one I crushed on when I was 13 & living in Maryland. His name was Dominick. I was a freshman, he was a senior (I think) and I was friends with his sister Cheryl.

I remember spending the night @ Cheryl's house one night (that's the time that one of Cheryl's friends said "So it was either punch the wall or punch the nigger." and I said "Why didn't you punch the nigger?" and she was all "OMG, I didn't mean YOU, you're not a nigger." But that's a story for another time.)

ANYWAY, we were watching a movie and Dominick came and laid on the floor beside me. My little teenage heart was thumping so hard I thought it would thump right out of my chest.

I wrote him a note saying something like "I know you're a senior & I'm a freshman. I know you have a girlfriend, but I have a crush on you. I don't expect you to start going out with me, but if you would say "Hi" to me in the hallway and not act like I don't exist, that would be great."

AND HE DID!

I remember once I was walking down the street with a friend of mine and Dominick drove by in his van & honked his horn and waved.

I literally fell in the street clutching my chest like "OMG, He honked at me!"

My friend was like "Angy (back when I wanted to be called Angie, but I wanted to be different at the same time so I spelled it Angy) he's looking at you!"

Me - I don't care!

You know how certain things can happen to you and you remember them for the rest of your life and the person who did the thing to/for you probably doesn't remember?

Anyway, I found him on Facebook. I sent him this message



Guess what I got this morning



Awwwwwwwww.

I always remembered Dominick because he was so nice about my crush on him. When I lived in Maryland, freshmen were the scum of the earth and I think it was the kiss of death to be seen talking to one of them. (That ALL changed when I moved to the south where the age of consent is 16, another story for another time).

But Dominick didn't have to be so nice to me. I don't know why he was then, but he has always been a good memory.

Now I feel just as giddy as I did when he drove by & honked at me.

Honestly, I wouldn't have anything to say to him, but...he's clearly still a nice guy.

:-)

Dear God, we need to talk

I

know I asked you not to have it snow anymore this school year because I've had enough "together" time with my fucking pain in the ass know it all eats like each meal is his last meal wonderful teen. I have the proof right here ▼



So, since I heard that it might snow again FRIDAY MORNING and again on Monday, I am left to assume that you are not on Twitter.

So I will say it again.

Dear God,
Please do not let it snow anymore this school year. This is the first time in several years that The Boy has actually enjoyed school and he doesn't like to miss it. And I don't think there's enough xanax in the world to make me not want to choke the living shit out of him take some Excedrin Migraine every 4 hours. Which will keep me up for only You know how long, not to mention you know I have that caffeine allergy to deal with which could bring on another panic attack & make me more irritable than I normally am.

So PLEASE, don't let it snow. At all. You know these people around here close school if there's even a threat of snow.

I can't take any more, God.

Please talk to Mother Nature and have this settled before Friday.

I'm ok with and inch that doesn't stick from Friday @ 3:30pm until Sunday @ 3:30 pm.

In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.