Christmas 2010

T

oday we woke up to about 6 inches of snow. It was still snowing HARD until about 2.

Went to my mother's house where I keep all of Evan's presents.

I got a pair of earrings & a necklace from my mother.

Evan got $75 total from my mother & grandmother

Shirt & slippers & Snuggie(so he'll stop stealing my ugg like slippers & MY snuggie) from my mom.

A Wii (with Guitar Hero & Sports Game) and Fushigi from me.

I took a nap as soon as I got to my mother's house.

Went to my grandmother's house to give her the hat I crocheted for her. I gave her one a few years ago and she says it's gotten too big, so I made another one with the same colors. Then we had "dinner" of chicken & dumplings, dressing/stuffing & chocolate iced cake.

Came home, slept some more while Evan played Wii.

Just KICKED HIS ASS (multiple times) on Sword Duel, LOL. Lost everything else. FYI, I bowl better on Wii when I'm laying down than when I'm sitting up, LOL.

Whatever. I'm going back to bed. :-)

Ignore this post

I

want the option to reply to a specific comment rather than having to type "CG - BLAH Blah" or whatever.

Wow, I think I finally found a cause

A

bout which I truly care. (In other words, a cause for which I'll actually change my blog to reflect my beliefs, LOL.)

Gay rights.

For as long as I can remember I've worked with gay people, been friends with gay people, and believed that gay people should have the same rights that I do.

To me, being gay is like being black. You're born that way.

The end.

Any and all offensive comments will (maybe?) be deleted. I'm all for open discussion, but if someone came on my blog and called me a "fucking nigger bitch" then I'd delete it, right? Yeah.

If you don't know if your comment is offensive, substitute another minority for any "gay" words. If you find it offensive, it is.

X♥X♥

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Fried Chicken Smoothie

Y

ou all know that Evan had all 4 of his wisdom teeth removed on Friday, right?

I've been doing my best not to eat while he's awake because I know he can't chew. But yesterday I was getting a hunger headache. So I started frying some chicken (that had been frozen & thawed in salt & garlic water brine).

Evan - You're making me hungry!
Me - Look, I've tried to only eat when you're asleep. I had lasagna yesterday when I thought you were alseep.
Evan - I don't remember that...you're doing good.
Me - Do you want me to make you a fried chicken smoothie?
Evan - *scrunched up face* gross
Me - You don't know if it's gross unless you try it.
Evan - Ok.

So I had 2 garlic & chicken bullion cubes, put them in the blender with a cup of water (or whatever) and with the pieces of chicken I had pulled off the bone.

Evan said it tasted good (it did) but that his instinct was to chew.

So, if you ever have oral surgery or get your jaw wired shut, you have a new recipe to drink...

If you can get past the instinct to chew and not just drink it like a milkshake, LOL.

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Things I learned living in the South

S

tuff happened yesterday. But since I STILL HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO STAY HOME FOR ONE ENTIRE DAY FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER, I will save the stories for the future.

Remind me to tell you.

Anyway, here's an e-mail I just got from my aunt who forwarded it to me.

You know what that means, right?

But she's my favorite aunt. I couldn't NOT give her my e-mail addy, LOL.

Click to make it larger. :-)

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Check out my ashtray

O

kay, so I think you all know I smoke. If you didn't know, now you do. ☺

Anyway, I have a habit of breaking my ashtrays. I don't buy glass anymore. For a while I was just using an old coffee mug with the handle broken off. Then I bought a small metal one (I knew I couldn't break that unless I ran over it with my car) but it's so small and I seem to constantly knock it over so ashes are everywhere.

I wanted a new ashtray that wasn't so small & wasn't breakable.

I went to The Dollar Tree (where everything is $1 or less) and bought a dog bowl. I've used it for about a week & I love it. The only thing was I couldn't lay the cig down while I did something else because it would fall all the way in the bowl.

So I tried burning a hole in it by heating up a spoon (or something) that was the same size as the cigarette. Didn't work out too well. Then I remembered that I have a Dremel. I marked the spot where I wanted the cigarette to stay and got to work.

Evan was home (he's taking auto mechanics in school now) and so he's all "I'll do it!"

Me - I want to get it how I want it and then you can do the rest of them.

So he did.


Now I have my ugly ass hole & his 3 PROFESSIONAL LOOKING HOLES. It pisses me off at the same time that it makes me happy.

I used to be the one who fixed everything and took vcrs & shit apart to fix them. Now my son is taking over. I am proud but also feeling a little replaceable. :-(

I guess all mothers go through this when our children don't need us like they used to or look at us like we make the sun rise every morning.

Anyway, here's my new $1 ashtray, made by Mr. Professional looking shit Evan. ;-p



****Breaking News****

I was driving MD's car last week (I don't remember if I told you this or not) and we got in a wreck (not my fault). No person was injured, just a little cosmetic damage on both cars.

Anyway, today my mother said to me "Did I ever tell you how calm you were when we were driving in the city? Even after the accident you didn't get upset or cry or freak out or anything. You were so cool."

I can't remember her ever giving me a compliment about anything other than my looks, LOL. It was nice.

It was also nice because it reminded me that she used to say the same thing about my father. He never "looked" ruffled. Whatever was going on inside, on the surface he was in charge.

:-)

So many great things have been happening to me this week. I don't think I have the time to tell you all of them. But I thought I would tell you something nice about my mother for a change.

TTYL!
X♥X♥

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But I need to tell you something!

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Snow!!!!!!!!!!!!!

W

e usually do the laundry @ 3ish on Sunday. (3ish on Monday if I feel like shit Sunday & can't convince MD to do Evan's laundry, LOL.)

Today it was snowing @ noon so we went to do it early. I mean, I expected it to melt or stop snowing immediately because this is the south and we rarely get more than 1 inch that sticks. But I really wanted to take a nap RIGHT THEN and I knew if I didn't go then I wouldn't go at all.

Anyway, we did the laundry. I fell asleep twice in the car while we were waiting for it to wash & dry the stuff. Evan kept waking me up.

Me - WHY do you insist on waking me up?
E - Because you're driving.
Me - I'm not driving NOW. Worry about me falling asleep with I'm actually driving on the actual road!

Came home, TOOK A NAP *gasp* and when I woke up, Evan was upstairs but there was a note on the remote saying "There's no school tomorrow."

And there isn't.

It's still sticking.

Wind is blowing like crazy.

It's like a real, proper snow storm going on.

Wheeeeeeee!

The pictures are from noon. Now it's too dark for me to take pics with my crappy cell phone, you'll just have to trust me that it's, like, sticking and shit. But you can see more here on my local news station's website. :-)

No idea why I'm so excited. Normally if ANYTHING closes school down I'm pissed the eff off, LOL.

Must be my new med regime, LOL.

OH YEAH!

So when we went to the laundromat (that has one handicapped parking space) I noticed a red car parked there & 2 Mexican dudes talking right beside it. I rolled down my window

Me - Excuse me, do you have a handicapped tag or placard?
Dudes - *speaking Spanish*
Me - Whatever, you need to move your car now.

And they did.

And I didn't get mad when they started talking and laughing in Spanish even though I recognized the words "chica" & "loca", so I assume they were calling me a crazy girl.

I don't care, LOL.

They moved and I got to park in MY parking space. :-)

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Guess what I'm getting for Christmas!

I

know because I'm the one who got it for me. :-p

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Angelika1972's A series of Magical Events

S

o, you all know that I have had a pretty shitty 14 days.

If you've been reading...

Anyway, I am in physical agony. But I just spent all that money for the tv that I hate so we are on Ramen noodles and PB&J rations.

With the life I live (& have lived) I have had turrible times and I've had the best fucking times ever.

Today was one of those with both of them rolled up in one 24 hour period.

Ok, so I've lived in this area since I was a teenager, right? EVERY.SINGLE.TIME Evan and I go to Wal-mart, we see this man.

I called him Homeless Dog Man. Evan said the kids in his school call him "Pennsylvania" Walking Bum (I don't remember what he said. I just know that we both recognize the guy and we never discussed what we call him. It was always just "There's the guy".

This picture is not of "our dog & dude" just so ya know.

Anyway, Evan went to school today and I planned to do as much house cleaning as I could. I'd actually been cleaning the kitchen. You know, stove, oven, cooktop, yada yada.

I would work for about 15 minutes and then rest for minutes. I really hoped that after all the driving I had to do today, I would really get some sleep if I also did as much physical activity and I could. Makes sense, right? For a normal person, LOL.

So I stayed up all night, against my will. I had the ringer on in case anyone called about wanting Tiki.

Later on in the day I saw my cousin (the non "no" sayer) outside, so I hobbled out as quickly as I could and asked her if she could take me to Wal-Mart because I needed some milk and I was afraid to drive since I haven't really slept in 3 days, although really I think it's more like 2 weeks. (God I get on my nerves when I complain.)
She said yes and I get in her VAN. (Do you know how long it's been since I climbed into a van when it wasn't life or death? That shit's just BEGGING for a fall.

Entyway

We get to Wally World
Me - Look! It's dog man!
She - LOL
Me - *Rolling down the window & yelling* "Dog Man!"

He looked around but he didn't see me.

I did it again and so did he.

Finally, I yelled "Hey Dog Man!" and waved. He saw me and came over.

I conveniently happened to have one of those Tiki Dog Fliers with me!!!!!!

Doods, I can't remember shit. How the hell did I just happen to take one of those fliers with me when we were NOT in My Car and I really wasn't thinking about Tiki???

Anyway, I held it up:

Me- Hi. I have a dog, she's a puppy, really. But I'm disabled so I can't take care of her the way she needs to be. I have been trying to put up these fliers all over the place. Do you know of anyone who could help?
Dogman - *taking the flier from my hand* You know, just because you did this I'm going to give you a telephone #.

He dug through all of his pockets and finally brought out a piece of paper with numbers on it.

Dogman - This number here is for a guy who runs an agency in the next town that way. They don't kill dogs. They keep them well past that 2 week thing that most pounds do. He will not stop until he finds that dog a home.

I asked him the man's name and he told me. I wrote it down on this sheet of paper, which happens to be the back of the actual Tiki dog flyer. (Blurred for our privacy, of course).

"Dogman" said that the reason he was giving me his numbers was in case dude at the place has trouble finding him, or if anything goes wrong, I give him a call. He told me what hours to call.

"Dogman" Did not smell. I thought he would just from the way he looks, you know?
"Dogman" is not unemployed or homeless.
"Dogman" has a sense of humor
"Dogman" is my newest friend.


Today I learned that I'm not as antisocial and apathetic as I though.

Today I learned that Dogman that I always assumed was a homeless bum holding up the "Will work for food" signs because he fell on hard circumstances.

Today I learned "The Dogman's" real name. I will use it every time I see him. From now on, when we're driving to Wal-mart, I will say "(actual name) instead of Dogman.

I did have to put it in my phone as Dogman Realname though, LOL. Otherwise I'd wonder who the eff that was and why he was in my contacts.

I KNOW you've got something to say about this shit.

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Today, I forgot how to drive.

Literally.

I have been driving 4 20+ years and today I forgot how to drive.

I am %100 dead serious.

:)

I know how to spell incognito without spellcheck and i know i spelled it right because there is no red line under the word incognito. but

i

forgot

how

to

drive

If you have read me before without knowing what was really going on in my mind, and came back more than once, i hope you won't stop because of this.

i hope i won't get arrested.

i've never been arrested

today

This is not funny.

This is not amusing.

I'm scared.

I wrote a flipping note on a post it and taped it to my dashboard.

It says "To drive forward, put the car in The LAST D. The one that is the second letter from the end."

Right after I did that, I started the car.

My she was beside me.

The child saw me hesitating and said "That's what you normally do."

I am anal retentive

OMG, my girl Lisa is so fucking awesome. My child always knows just what to say to make me feel better. I fucking love my puppy for that.

Anyway, I started the car and put it on the D that was 3rd from the right.

Now, here's the thing. this is making me laugh

The car felt wrong.

I didn't know why it didn't feel right. Everyone who knows how to drive knows what I mean.

Luckily, when I got home from the ER (my parent drove me there) I saw my friend outside. I said to my friend, "Hey, are you doing anything right now? Can you take me to the pharmacy so I can get my scripts and then go home and maybe get some sleep?"

My friend said yes.

So the car felt wrong, and then right and then wrong all the way to the pharmacy.

I've made this trip countless times.

I'm fucking paranoid.

So paranoid that I am trying to make this as anonymous as I can right now. I am trying to write differently from how I normally write.

I am trying to be incognito while I'm loosing my mind.

I feel crazy. I know how to spell thesaurus without a dictionary.

I want some pie.

What if this is the rest of my life? This feeling. Until I die.

Will I remember anything? Is that what hell really is? Just existing and not knowing why or how or anything but that you are?

Do you want to know what the most fucked up part of this whole thing is?

I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE BEEN DRIVING WRONG SINCE I BOUGHT THE flipping CAR AND THAT'S WHY IT'S BEEN SO MUCH TROUBLE

OR

IF I HAD THIS EXPERIENCE TODAY BECAUSE THE lack of sleep IS FINALLY GETTING TO ME.

OR THE disease.

I've told you that I have been feeling like shit for weeks now.

2day I forgot how to spell my name. Today I was on the highway in a death machine with my child beside me. what if i accidentally kill my child? Will i feel that is was an accident or will I know it was an accident?

I think I've told you that I literally forget what the fuck I just said as soon as the words are out of my mouth.

Today, I forgot how to change my... picture that is on the upper left hand corner of these posts.

Today I was on the phone trying to do something, and I said "Hi Jane. I need you to treat me like a total idiot, ok? But....how do I do this? What does this mean?"

I felt so stupid.

I feel stupid now.

Jane was nice. And I don't even know her. Some people are mean. Some people say I am mean.

Maybe I am mean.

Maybe i am just stupid

what if this is a nightmar

what if i am in hell right now

I need to take the prescriptions that the doctor gave me and get on my bed and fucking pray that when I wake up tomorrow I'm all better.

Because tomorrow I have to drive my mother somewhere.

Tomorrow I'm keeping my child home from school because I am fucking scare of what will happen to me if I am alone.

I live with my child. Alone. In a multi level abode.

Do you see how scary that is?

What if something happens to me?

What if something happens to him?

I do not know when I will be online next.

Could be 5 minutes, could be never.

That's how fucking insane I feel right now.

And the worst part is that I really don't know if this is how I'll feel for the rest of my flipping life or if this is "just one of those days".

I'm purposefully making this post as anonymous as I can.

I'm scared that someone will read this and take my child away from me and make me go to the mental institution bin.

Guess what worries me about that -

I want my child to read this before I let it out into the world.

But I don't want my child to ever see this at the same time.

That sounds so insane. I AM INsane.

Laughing out loud.

I can't afford a hospital stay.

my child...

So, if you never hear from me again, I think I enjoyed this blog.

If you do hear from me again, I hope I understand what you're talking about.

This is so insane.

I need help.

This has been my head all day today. Maybe longer. I don't know. I can't say.

And I don't know if this is how it will be forever.

Because if it is.

I don't want to remain

Stuffy Things and Thingy Stuff

E

van blogged about our day.

I will blog about it when I am feeling better or unable to sleep but still wide the fuck awake.

I cannot explain to you how I am feeling right now.

EVERY SINGLE JOINT IN MY BODY HURTS except for my actual fingers & my elbows. Oh, and my toes. But my hips, shoulders, hips, knees, hips, ankles and hips are fucking killing me.

I swear to God if I hadn't just spent $278 this month on the goddamned TV THAT I HATE AND WILL BE RETURNING THIS WEEK because there's a sale on this week. I can get a 32" instead of a $26 inch and it's only $30 more that the one I bought. It's also the same exact brand that my mother has so I KNOW what it will look like.

Anyway

1. I realized that I can't remember what life was like before DVR and the ability to ff through commercials


2. I took a big ass swig of cigarette water. Ask me to tell you that story later.


3. I hear police sirens RIGHT NOW


4. After the way I felt all day yesterday and until about 5pm today, I'm starting to wonder if I'm manic depressive instead of just whatever the fuck kind of depressed I am


5. My memory is seriously getting fucked. I cannot remember what I said right after I fucking say it. I mean really, like the instant it's out of my mouth, I cannot tell you what I just said.


6. I don't think I should ever have caffeine again. Even if it's the only non narcotic drug I can take for my migraines


7. Is it possible to be allergic to caffeine? I don't normally have it in my diet, so when I do have it I am AMPED like a tweaker.


8. I feel so bad that if Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson showed up at my fucking door right now and told me that he wanted to have sex with me, I'd just have to call him back even though, according to Evan, I haven't had sex in...9 years? Holy shit. I don't remember the last time I had sex. Time is something with which I have major issues. Ask me some more about that one later to. I'm serious. I won't remember. It's gotten to the point where I have to immediately run to my post it notes when I think of something because if I don't write it down right then, I will forget it


9. This is making me feel worse emotionally :-(

Oh yeah! Here's the link to Evan's blog post. My mother totaled the car.

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