Really?

S

o I was watching Kourtney & Khloe take Miami.

Turns out that Kim Kardashian doesn't drink.

Really?

So she was stone cold sober when she let Ray J urinate all over her?

DAMN!

She's freakier than I thought, LOL.

I'm just saying...

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Now playing: Rick James - Superfreak

Big Brother's Jeff

Y

es, it's true. I am in lust with Jeff from this season's Big Brother.


I'd be a cougar for his fine ass.
I just read his bio. He's six years younger than me.

I'd be a cougar for his fine ass.

:-)
*Click to Enlarge*



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Now playing: Color Me Badd - I Wanna Sex You Up

Forget the poll!

Y

ou people take too long to vote!

"What does this look like?"And I'm impatient and I was going to do what I wanted anyway.

So I did it!

Blog Background Poll

I

want to change my blog.

If you've been a reader for any length of time you know this happens from time to time REGARDLESS OF WHAT PEOPLE SAY. (Like those bloggers with tips like "Don't change the look of your blog, it turns people off.")

Don't get it twisted. I'll do WTF I want. Luff you for voting anyway!So here's a poll, just to make you feel like you have some kind of input. Which you DO NOT, LOL.

Online Surveys & Market Research

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Now playing: Diddy feat. Christina Aguilera - Tell Me

Texting while driving

"DON'T TEXT AND DRIVE!!!"

I

have never done this because my texting sucks, but I know people who do.

The PSA is graphic. You have been warned.

It's so effing hot outside

I

can't wait for fall.

Anyway.

We have a dog.

Not really.

But my neighbor has a black chihuahua.

Every time we open the doors, he runs out & runs in circles around us. Or, if the door is closed, he just watches us through the sliding glass door.

"We have a dog."I started talking to him.

Me - Ok, it's time for you to start running in circles around me.

*dog does it*

Me - I'm leaving now. Don't get too close to the car.

*dog runs to his porch and watches*

When I come back from whereever, he starts running circles again.

Me - I'm going in the house now. Go home. You'd better not come in my house!

*dog runs home & stares*

He's cute.

I don't know his name.

Here's a picture of what he looks like, but it's not THE dog.


I had to go to Wal-Mart today. They were cutting the grass, so my little doggie friend couldn't come out to play. But I got a picture of him staring at me from the sliding glass door, LOL.



If I didn't have to spend 75% of my money feeding The Boy, I'd get a dog.

Not really.

I wouldn't want to walk it. And I'd have to nag Evan to death to do it. Which is why we keep trying to talk MD into getting another dog. But since her first dog was a genius (seriously, that dog was so smart) and so cute, she's reluctant to get another one.

Here's what The Best Dog in the World looked like. I have my own pics, but I'm too lazy to get up & find it and scan it.

Sue me.



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Now playing: George Clinton - Atomic Dog

OMLY, I slept ALL DAY

T

here is potentially most likely definitely going to be TMI in this post.

You have been warned.

So I woke up around 9 this morning, which was fine.

I made Evan get up 1) so that he would be able to go to sleep tonight and b) he always has fiftyleven shows recorded on Sunday mornings and I want them OFF of my DVR recordings.

So he came down to start watching the shows and the next thing I know it's 2 pm or something.

...


It's a very unsettling experience.I got online long enough to check my Twitter & make sure all my prisoners weren't gone on SNODS.

Then I started watching Monk (or something) and the next thing I know it's dark.

I tell The Boy to wash the dishes.

I wash some chicken & potatoes for my dinner. Left it ON the stove instead of putting it in the oven for about 30 minutes?

Yes, Evan was in the kitchen washing dishes & didn't remind me to put my crap in the oven even though the oven was on. This is why I think he's on his period. For the next 5 years. WTF????

*sigh*

So I put the shit in the oven & then start feeling sick. Like I might vomit sick.

By the time the chicken was done, I didn't want to eat anything.

I might have taken another "nap", LOL.

No idea.

But I woke up urgently needing to go to the bathroom. So I took Immodium AD tablets & then ran to the bathroom, where I proceeded to fill up the terlet with brown liquid.

Have you ever shat water before?

It's a very unsettling experience.

Loose stool is one thing, liquid stool is taking things to a whole nuva levuh. (If you never saw that guy on Mad TV, you totally won't get that reference.)

Anyhoo, I'm still sleepy. But I'm kind of afraid to go to bed in case the Immodium doesn't take effect right away and I have to run back to the bathroom.

That was my weekend.

How was yours?


----------------
Now playing: Korn - Coming Undone
via FoxyTunes

Day with Mommy Dearest :-)

S

o Evan's nebulizer broke. No idea why. But I finally nagged him enough about taking a breathing treatment this summer (allergies exacerbate his asthma) that yesterday he was actually going to take one. *faint*

Got everything ready. Machine didn't come on at all.

We went to the pharmacy where he got his first one & they said they don't carry that brand anymore, so I had to drive 40 miles (one way) to the company that supplied his first one to get a replacement.

I asked MD if she wanted to come along.

She likes to go first thing in the morning. I told her I'd be leaving around 10 or 11 am.

She called me @ 9am to ask when I was showing up & why I hadn't called.

She - I thought you were going to call me @ 9?
Me - I said I'd call you 30 minutes before I left to see if you wanted to go.
She - Well, I remember something about 9.
Me - Whatever, I'm not leaving yet. I'll pick you up about 10:30.

So I drag my xanax drugged ass out of bed & got ready. I knew I'd need to drink a Sundrop for the caffiene or I'd be droopy all day.

If I hadn't NEEDED to get Evan's machine I would have stayed in bed all day.

*sigh*

So I wore tannish/almost white colored shorts & a red shirt.

When I get to MD's house, she's wearing white pants & a red shirt.

I swear to Jaysus she is ALWAYS matching me or Evan when we go somewhere together, LOL.

When we got to the medical supply store (All of us have gotten stuff from there. So they know us) they remarked that she & I could be twins. (PFEH! I look like my dad & I'm not a Purse Whore like my mother. Not that that's a bad thing.)


I swear to Jaysus she is ALWAYS matching me or Evan when we go somewhere together, LOL.Me - When she and my son & I all go out together, she's always matching one of us, but she's happier when it's Prince Evan that's wearing the same color she is, LOL.

I had asked her if she wanted to ride with me because they have a meat store down there where you can get really good deals on a month's worth of meat (chicken, pork & beef, etc) for $19.99 or 29.99 depending on the size of the box you want.

So after the meat store I was ready to go home. Driving all that way makes my back hurt. But she thinks it's silly to drive all that way and not go EVERYWHERE IN TOWN.

Me - *sigh* Where else do you want to go?
She - Well, I could at least treat you to lunch.
Me - Ok, where do you want to go?
She - Are you hungry? Because I won't waste my money if you're not hungry.
Me - Well I haven't eaten yet, so I'm sure I can get your money's worth.

We went to Western Sizzlin. The one in that town has a whole table of MEAT. The one we usually go to has fried & baked chicken & then 2 other meats.

Today I had some fish that tasted like sardines (ironic since I was craving sardines last night), BBQ Ribs, some disgusting pineapple chicken, Hot Wings that were almost as good as the ones in Tuscaloosa, salad & mashed taters.

She - Oh, you're being a good girl today.
Me - What do you mean?
She - Eating all of your salad.
Me - Something about salads @ restaurants are always so good. (I had put shredded lettuce, cherry tomatoes, a bit of cheddar cheese, raw broccoli & boiled egg in my salad)
She - It's probably the dirt. (She's very paranoid, have I mentioned that?)
Me - Well, then next time I make a salad @ home I won't wash my hands. Maybe drop some of the stuff on the floor before I pick it up and put it in my salad.
She - Gross!

Then I had my first ever piece of Coconut Cream Pie. I only tried it because they didn't have Blackberry Cobbler that I usually get at the other Sizzlin.

OMG it was so good.

So I had my second ever piece of Coconut Cream Pie, LOL.

As we were driving home I was talking about The Boy driving me insane & other stuff.

When I dropped her off @ her house, she said "You talked more today than you usually do. Usually we barely speak in the car."

Me - I drank caffeine today. If I were home, I'd be cleaning everything in sight, LOL.
She - Well, it didn't bother me. I'm just not used to you talking so much.

To answer your questions JJHF Peeps, no, she didn't drive me crazy today. Perhaps I didn't give her a chance with all my talking. Perhaps I was in a good mood since Xanax was still coursing through my system.

Or maybe we're both mellowing with age. :-)

That is all! Have a nice weekend!

Octomom

U

m, did anyone else watch that Octomom special that was on Fox last night?

I was curious. I mean, I figured she was crazy, but I thought that maybe the special would show that she wasn't...crazy.

Um, no.

It made her look crazier than having 8 children when she already had 6.

She can't control her kids. The older ones.
One of the toddlers calls everybody "Bitch" & hits EVERYONE.

I don't know whether to be sad or just worried about Nadya Suleman's 14 children...The older kids just look like they've given up.

Her house is chaos with all the noise.

Did you see the way she was picking up those babies?????????

She was laughing about a time when she put her mother in the trunk & drove around. She said something like "I could hear her body rolling around from side to side and she was screaming. It was so funny."

???????????????????????????????????

Wow.

Why does it seem that teched people are the ones doing TV specials? Supposedly to shape up their image, but it ends up making them look worse.

Remember Michael Jackson's special where he talked about sharing his bed with kids?

*shaking my head* I don't know whether to be sad or worried about Nadja Suleman's 14 kids.

I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Yesterdee - 8-17-09

A

ll summer, Mommy Dearest has been coming over to our house on Friday because, as she said, "There's nothing on TV." (If she liked Science Fiction, there would be plenty on TV, but whatever.)

So she didn't come over this Friday. She came over on Sunday, just as we were about to leave for the laundromat. She said she'd see us later.

Or, as Madea would say, HalleluYER.After we had gotten the The Mat & put our crap in (New washers! Cheaper price too. I hope no one tries to dye clothes in these, LOL.) she showed up.

...

She was wearing all back. With maroonish Mary Janes (*Shudder* Not the color, the style.)

As her daughter, I feel it is my duty to let her know when her clothes are grody. :-) Not that she cares, but she needs to know!

----------------
Now playing: Chuck Brown - Bustin Loose

Anyway, she and Evan sat on the bench while I smoked in my car. When I got hot, we went inside.

While we were in there, I remembered that I had planned to tell on Evan to her.

Me - Your grandson is a racist.
MD - What did he say?
Me - He said he was going to brush my nappy hair.
MD - HA! Well, is it nappy?
Me - That's not the point! Why are y'all making fun of me?
Evan - Cause it's fun.
Me - I don't have to put up with this! *getting up to go outside*
MD - You need to straighten your shorts. They're all twisted to one side.
Me - NO! You can't make me!

They enjoy ganging up on me. She's MY mother. She's supposed to be on MY side. They're EVIL. ;-)

Ennyway, I think she stayed about 30 minutes. Then she said she was leaving:

MD - Oh, my car is going to be hot.
Me - Why did you roll up the windows?
MD - Because my purse is in there. Do you want to see my new purse?
Me - No.
MD - Well, you're going to see it anyway.



Me - Why does it have green handles?
MD - Because I thought it looked different.
Me - It looks retarded. The print is brown & black, the handle should not be green.
MD - I'm sending it back anyway. I just wanted to wear it to church once so that everyone could see what a real Dooney & Burke purse looks like instead of those cheap things other people bring.
Me - *Eye-roll, headshake* O.K.

**Change of Topic**

In case you were wondering, Evan's feet still don't stink.

It's weird.

Even after wearing his old shoes, that have that vinegar smell all up in them and sweating from the frigging heat, his feet did not stink.

Hallelujah!

Or, as Madea would say, HalleluYER.

:-)

Ta!

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Now playing: Gap Band - You dropped a bomb on me
via FoxyTunes

High Five Friday & Stuff

F

irst I wanted to tell you about this new site I found.

It's called "Down for everyone or just me?"

I was trying to drop cards and it seemed like some of the blogs were taking forever to load (including my own).

Here's a screencap.



Pretty cool!

The Boy's feet happen to smell like corn chips & vinegar.Anyway, I happened to be watching some of my DVR recorded programs & I was in between 2 programs when I saw Dr. Oz on Oprah talking about curing smelly feet.

----------------
Now playing: Adam Ant - Goody Two Shoes

The Boy's feet happen to smell like corn chips & vinegar. Always have. He was a BABY and being carried around everywhere and his feet stank to high heaven, LOL.

Make a dishpan (or whatever) full of warm water & tea bags. Soak for 30 minutes for 5 days. The tea should be almost coffee colored.

Luckily I had some CHEAP family size teabags, they didn't taste too good to drink, but they're fine for soaking Evan's clodhoppers. I used 6 family size teabags & about 2 inches of water. Just deep enough for his feet to be covered.

After one foot soaking, his feet had NO odor! (Hallelujah!!!) so he's been soaking them every day while he does his homework.

His new shoes still smell like new shoes!!!!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Finally, the only High Fives I got around to this week:

Motherwise Cracks for This marriage just might work. Happy Anniversary! :-)

Bit Rebels for Explaining Twitter to those who don't get it.

Tools4Movies for Ninja Clash Strategy Guide (this also works for 140Mafia).

----------------
Now playing: Bon Jovi - Living on a Prayer

Guess what I've been doing all day

I

mean after I had to take Evan to school because he missed the bus & dropped by MD's house to see her new paint color in the living room and sleeping to the Wolf Lake marathon on SyFy.

Looking for pictures of my Boyfriend.



That is all.

:-)

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Now playing: Busta Rhymes Feat Estelle - World Go Round

Did I tell you that Evan is my

P

ersonal Celebrity Death Reporter?

No idea why, but on Twitter, he always gets the latest death reports. Here's an

If you're a big Michael Jackson fan, sorry for your loss

Evan: Who is John Hughes?
Me: He directed "The Breakfast Club" Why?
Evan: 'Cause he's dead.

or

Evan: Guess what I found out today.
Me: What did you found out today?
Evan: Michael Jackson is dead.
Me: So?
Evan: That's what I thought...

:-)

If you're a big fan of Michael Jackson, sorry for your loss.

Not really, but whatever.

Go somewhere else for MJ Love.

AND Oprah Love while we're at it.

Ta!

----------------
Now playing: T.I. - Dead And Gone

School has started!

W

ell, I was going to tell you all about going to pick up Evan's new glasses yesterday.
I'm so happy to NOT have a surly teenager up in my face.
And some other crap.

But I'm so happy to NOT have a surly teenager up in my face that I think I'm going to enjoy the time alone!

TTYL!



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Now playing: Busta Rhymes Feat Estelle - World Go Round

LOL!

R

emember when I was talking about how washed out this new computer monitor looks?

Who knew?

Well, the other day I was at my other home (Wal-Mart) and noticed that the display computer had the monitor tilted back.

So I tilted my monitor back and the colors have come alive!

Who knew?

:-)

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Now playing: Busta Rhymes Feat Estelle - World Go Round

76 minutes

Created by The Oatmeal

Well, I tried again

T

o get one of my e-mails read on the Craig Ferguson show.



I need more crocodile!Here it is:

Dear Craig,

The intro to last night's show with the crocodile puppet was awesome! You do a great southern accent. Most people who don't live in the south sound like idiots when they fake the accent.

I need more crocodile! :-)

If he reads it on air, it means he's stopped hating me for that crack I made about the Spanish Porn Star mustache that he had last year...

Booyah!

H

ugh is back and my blog looks great to me!

Wheeeeeeeeee.

I also figured out a few things.

I always used to just take the images from the original template and replace them with my own. Somewhere along the way, I forgot to add one of the images and it used to tick me off.

"You didn't notice, but it always bothered me."YOU didn't notice, but I'm anal about stuff like that and it always bothered me.

I finally (after years, literally) went back to the original template, replace those images, and then remembered to put in a transparent (basically) image so stuff will line up the way it's supposed to.

I'm so happy right now I can't even tell you.

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Now playing: Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow